The Reason

"We are the reason that He gave His life
We are the reason that He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live"

There have been so many moments when I lose the reason in all that I do.
When life doesn't seem to have much joy anymore, when I wake up and start my day looking forward to end it, when everything starts being a drag.

It's the same at work.

There have been soooo many moments that I feel like just walking away.
How nice it is, to leave everything behind. To go somewhere far from it all. So that I don't have to hear the call bells, the cries, "Nuurrseee!" or doctors, nurses, pharmacists and all those who remembers my name saying "Sheela, could you _____ "

I want to do more. But I don't know what "more" is.

Will I be content being a nurse for kids and working shifts in the hospital?

Will I be content being a housewife and looking after my own kids, watching every detail as they grow, cleaning the house and making sure everything is in order?

Will I be content doing extra hours somewhere else if I do choose to leave nursing, earning more than enough so that I could spend on myself, with much shopping and pampering?

What will I really be content with and how would I know?

I wanna do something that makes me genuinely happy, but what is it really?

What's the real reason behind all this that I'm doing?

there are some things/people you know that are as good as gone.

easy how friendships stops so fast. when once upon a time, i somehow mattered but now i don't.