we went to brandon's grandma's wake yesterday (i don't know if it is appropriate to write about it here.. but will write what the interesting conversations we had with the adults was about.)

the topic for saturday's LG was on BGR, issues/struggles/questions we have regarding this issue: bfs, prospective husbands yada yada. The questions we mostly raised to J.K was "how do we know if he is THE ONE?" (we asked alot, but mostly every question we asked despite all the different words and sentence phrasing we used, were more or less the same kinda question. And we had loads of fun! How i miss being in a girl's LG, receiving, talking girl stuff with my leader and my fellow girlfriends...different compared to looking after boys.)

Being 19 this year, and entering into adulthood really soon i have been thinking of all these: who will be my husband.. oh will i even have a husband? how do i know if him and I are right for each other.

So with all this over the weekend and with the questions already in my heart, i asked aunt jasmin (the pastor's wife!) how did she know that uncle ban was the man for her.
Just so happen i was sitting beside her, so decided to grab the chance and hear her input. What more to learn from godly people whose marriages are still going strong for 20odd years, and who've been there and done that.
That one question i asked her, sparked a whole lot of funny conversations, advices for us young ones from the adults, even them telling us what happened during their dates! Ahhh. Such fun.

And our beloved pastor's advice is: "You don't have to worry bout him/her being the best person for you, You be the best person yourself for him/her"

"The joy of the Lord is my strength
The joy of the Lord is my strength
Eat the fat and drink the sweet
Send portions to them who are weak
The joy of the Lord is my strength
This day is holy to the Lord
Don't be grieved but SHOUT FOR JOY!"

if only.

after the accident yesterday, i had alot of "if only-s" going thru' my mind. if only we got to the van earlier, if only there wasn't a need to go THOP for the meeting yesterday.. if only, if only, if only.

i sang this song earlier on sunday before the incident happened, while leading the children: "I walk by faith, each step by faith, to live, by faith, i put my trust in You. Every step i take is a step of faith, No weapon formed against me, shall prosper, every breath i take is a breath of faith, if my God is for me. Then who shall be against me"

and despite knowing this/singing this words,
i'll be very very real here..
i asked God when i reached home, why did this have to happen, why must the wounds be on my face, why couldn't it be elsewhere, like perhaps on my arms. why why why. to the point where i was actually blaming God.


As daddy was driving me to Mt. A later in the evening, hearing daddy speak about what happened, remembering all that God had done for me.. i don't know how to put this in words.
but i know His grace is still upon me, as what Amanda pointed out : its a good thing my eye wasn't hurt (the wounds are below my left eye). It could have been far worse, but God protected me, He protected all of us.

I'm still struggling, truth be told. I'm frightened. But i'll just leave it in His hands.
Through out the journeys back and forth yesterday and today from Mt. A, i sang the songs that i chose to lead for the children's service.

Maybe its also not by chance, that God placed this two songs in my heart the week before. (the song above and "the joy of the Lord is my strength") to comfort me, to remind me.

8 stitches was done.. and my left eye's bruised. I seriously look like i came out from a fight. Oh well, it will heal..

pages of words. coffee. nursing jargons. bloodshot red eyes. memory space. sleepless nights. going crazy.



Exams.

well, i know i should be studying but felt like typing this down. (to get it off my chest).

Don't you think that many a times we judge people without fully understanding what they are going through? Judge them based on their reactions to us, based on just that one, particular time of them maybe blowing their tops or the way they answer us.
I'll give one example, between me and my dad.
Recently daddy has been getting moody, uptight, we had little misunderstandings the past few weeks. I got pissed with the way he viewed things. I got pissed when he was being grumpy. Just last week i told people that i didn't feel like talking to him anymore.
Something that i'm feeling so guilty for saying now.
But it's only today that it dawned upon me that daddy has many things on his mind too, work, people, relationships with his co-workers. He has to look after alot of issues at work. Probably things that already upsets him. On top of that, he has to continue being the head of the family. Making decisions, dealing and facing daily "problems" with us, his teenage kids.
I didn't take all that into consideration. When he tried telling me all this, i brushed it all aside, refused to listen due to my stubborn, childish anger. I said things that would have hurt him like a dagger into his heart, just because he got angry or picked on me.
That's just how selfish i can be.

Don't you also think that we should also be careful with our words? It doesn't hurt to be sensitive to people's feelings. Im not pinpointing any one at this moment if you're thinking that way. But it so true that we spit out words before we actually realize how impactful/hurtful those words can be.

don't have anything significant to post about now. but well, this are just some random things.

to the girls who makes me laugh till my insides hurts (you know yourselves) =) :
My stomach was happy.
I was happy.
To think it was only 13 bucks at that.
Man, i had a great time yesterday.
Thanks girls.

Janan still can't speak properly though his already 3.. . his a smart kid, but probably just slow in learning to speak languages..guess it's cos' in my household we speak only english and when he goes over my aunt's place everyday, its tamil for him.
This is how he sings the common rhymes. Asked him once, what song he wants to sing, and he replied "DAAM BRIDGE", i replied with "what song is that?", he sang the song for me ..
"DAA-AMM BRIDGE IS FALLING DAM
FALLING DAM
FALLING DAM
DAA-AMM BRIDGE IS FALLING DAM
MY FAAIIIRR LADY"

"THIS IS THE WAY I BRUSH A TIP
BRUSH A TIP
BRUSH A TIP
THIS IS THE WAY I BRUSH A TIP
EARLY IN THE MOOOOORRRRNNINNNGGG"
(he sings it this way even if i brush his teeth at night)

cute?

if you look carefully: the pic with chris looking at the door's "window", you'll see me (acting as a ghost or whatever - my hair over my face) we took more pictures of me like that, but decided to delete it cos we (nana and i) were spooked. Yes, was spooked by my own picture.

a day out with bestie and then met up with chris.
well, once again we tried to take creative shots.. photography is a cool thing. Next time maybe we'l borrow Alvin's big black camera and take each other's photos in Starbucks/Lift lobbies/MRT stations..

okay.now that most of my classmates who has blogs wrote "testimonial- like" entries for every classmate in our group (read: Rozi, Des,Yeekoon) decided that my post wasnt enough. =)

Desmond: I love this guy to bits..! Des has been one of my first few real good friends. Always felt comfortable with you. With you i can be crappy. With you i could do away with my face. You always made me laugh, be it your actions/facial expressions, or the things you said.You've been there when i had questions (particularly qns a girl needed to ask a guy=p), you cared when i was down. All this small little things Des, all this prove you are a great friend. So dont ever, ever doubt yourself.

Rozi:My crapping partner - will never forget all the laughs, my obliging listener when i had LOADS of stories to tell (you'd stand there smiling and listening while my mouth rattled off like a train), my clinical lab partner/consultant when it came to practising our skills. my comical friend, my encourager. Love you girl!

Dani: I dont care dani, your not just someone else's BARNEY. your my DANIsaur! love this blur woman lots too. I dont know when did we started to get close, but each time you tell me things that bothered you it made me glad when you opened up. And the times when we sort of protected each other, i cherish you girl.

Siti: This lady has maturity, is wise and sensible, absolutely lady-like. Once i wrote on her piece of paper "inner beauty". This kind of beauty far exceeds any other beauty, because it is something in that person's character that jumps out and sort of mesmerize you. That's what she has.=) Siti has also this humour which comes at its own place and time, suddenly she'd perk up and ask us lame jokes.

Hafiz: If i wasn't lazy, i'd type the smallville/superman's theme song. The man of many lame jokes which still tickled our funny bones. Ahhh. im so glad he finally stopped playing that ridiculous game where he'd punched the person who looked at his fingers forming an "o.k." sign placed anywhere below his waist and then punching the person who looked at it (yes! girls were not spared too!). I'm sure he enjoyed playing it on me because i was always an easy target.

Nava: =) really motherly. I admit there were frictions between us both, when it comes to groupwork i can become hard when i voice out. But i guess it's evident, at the end of the day, how much she cared for all of us. The little treats she'd give our sub-group (ice-kachang over discussion! wheee!), when she'd ask me if im okay with things. She does care and can be a great friend.

YeeKoon: ms.BEAUTIFUL! This sweet girl never fails to crack the entire class up with her antics, seriously with her you dont know what to expect next. And she's blossomed over the 3 years in sch too. Getting preetier and starting to put make up on complete with eyeliner and mascara recently..wonder which guy she has a crush on...

Ivy: Wasn't close to her but it doesnt take one to be close before you find out that she has a light-hearted/easy-going character. Pretty woman too, love the clear skin! =) And agree with Des that she is witty.

Fiona: She's our other mummy - and it seems she enjoys being one, she'd come and sayang us literally =). A great person to have around, highly knowledgeable and will always help when we had questions regarding nursing skills. Fiona if you read this - Thanks so much, what i regret abit more is we didnt't really get to talk, real talk.. cos i know youd make a wonderful friend too.

Duan Qin: Ahh the sweet, cute lady with that big, hearty laughter. When she laughs you can hear that it really comes out from within all her being. She has this curiosity for things where she'd go "ahh? reallllllllyyyyyy ahh?" with a look of amazement on her face.

Xueting: desmond's girlfriend....=) the demure lady whom he dedicated a giant shout out on his blog "XUETING..YES YOU! I LOVE YOU!" eh eh eh... lucky woman. Dedicated, hardworking, smart and fun, beautiful smile. That's her.

Jing2: Our class walking dictionary/anatomy and physiology textbook who has a pleasant, helpful personality. Need i say more? =)

ZhoaXia: pardon me if i spelt her name wrong (oops!). Strong, firm, tough. Haha, her heart's desire is to be a police woman! And i feel she fits that job! And she's so smiley too, people told me that im very smiley but i think she beats me by a thousand times.

Xuqian:=) this woman is a really nice person and when she talked to me, i felt she talked in a very big sister way, which is nice because ive never had "big sisters". Lighthearted woman too.. and loves to laugh.

Chengmin: Right from the start, chengmin has established herself as a strong presenter. Nevermind that her english is accented with strong chinese accent, she talks comfortably and firmly and can amazingly act well too. Stage presence. One can tell she's serious in her work. Bet she's gonna make a good staff nurse.

Melissa: Perfectionist, artist, loves to teach/present (she presents well too), and is a good friend too, worked with her for many of our attachments. yea, sure there's friction sometimes, but ever since when can a relationship between 2 be smooth-sailing, Nevertheless, mel had always cared for me. Even when she risked teacher cutting her marks when she tried to help me during my assesment. *thanks mel*smiles*

Sharon: Quirky, fun-spirited, humourous and sensible. Sharon brings alot of smiles to many of my classmates faces. Funny personality, will never forget that time when she kept cheering herself on loudly infront of the whole class before her presentation =) "sharon, you can do it" claps her hands and her fist banging the air "come one, you can do it" she went until siti told the class "ok la ok la, eh, lets cheer for her" causing the whole class to roar with laughter and cheers.

those are my wonderful classmates, once again, i may not be close to all of them (by group of best girlfriends are from another class) but still love 'em all.

just read rozi's blog and her post is kinda making me start to feel sad.

It feels like just yesterday when i entered NYP, new in this not-so-big polytechnic. When we had our first clinical lab practical. (we were tested on taking blood pressure/temperature and pulse for patients and gosh, looking back i now wonder why was i so nervous in the first place)
And in a mth's time, we're ending school (sort-of).

Wont be seeing my fabulous classmates for the next number of mths. (Man, i love them all, a class without frictions/cat fights, where everyone helps each other, what more can i ask for with such wonderful classmates like them?) Wont be crapping with Dani and Rozi..wont be having secret "telepathy's" with siti.. (those "you-know-what-im-thinking-dont-you") wont be hearing Nava nag at me, or even desmond with his sincere, sometimes sarcastic goofy-ness.. yes Rozi, we NEED and MUST certainly have outings!

Wont be seeing my favourite girlfriends too after the exams - cheryl, jee, fa, ya, prim.

=( 3 years pass by so soon doesnt it?
i used to think that friendships in sec sch are much stronger as compared to polyfriends due to the classroom setting.. but now that my 3 years of time spent with them are coming to an end, guess i'm wrong..

ahh.. if im to write more im gonna tear.
shee's being sentimental now.. =(

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

okay, i shall try my very best not to do anymore blogthings...gonna be a hard battle tho..and nana wants me to post my result for this finger test

You Are a Pinky

You are fiercely independent, and possibly downright weird. A great communicator, you can get along with almost anyone. You are kind and sympathetic. You support all your friends - and love them for who they are. You get along well with: The Ring Finger Stay away from: The Thumb

What Finger Are You?

Your Interpersonal Intelligence Score: 77%

Your Interpersonal Intelligence is High You are definitely a "people person." You enjoy spending time with others. You instinctively understand people, and you are both a good counsellor and mediator. However, there are definitely times when you've had enough. And that's when you cherish being alone.

How Does Your Interpersonal Intelligence Rate?

You Are Apple Green

You are almost super-humanly upbeat. You have a very positive energy that surrounds you. And while you are happy go lucky, you're also charmingly assertive. You get what you want, even if you have to persuade those against you to see things your way. Reflective and thoughtful, you know yourself well - and you know that you want out of life.

What Color Green Are You?

i wanted to see if my results for this one would differ from nana's.. so im superly-human upbeat too. =) well, guess it just depends. Nava(classmate) commented once that with me she doesnt know what to expect,when im serious,i become very quiet, but when im hyper/happy im extremely chatty..
haha, it seems like the random blogthing craze has just reminded both me and nana how important our friendship are. 7 years of being best friends and counting. God does bless people even in little things, things that we tend to look past and not realize..and ive been so blessed by our friendship, it's no longer just crap but now we even talk about deep stuff - ministry/heart aches, what disappoints us, gosh, how many times have i cried to nana, bawled over the phone until i have to repeat what i said because my words became incomprehensible.I remembered how "upset" she was when i didn't tell her certain stuff about my life where she went "so, anymore secrets you have yet to tell me?" or something like that. Until now i remembered Manda's prayer over me and nana in 2002..she prayed "Their friendship, their closeness will touch people and bless people, people will see God in their friendship".. i'm not really sure whether that has come to pass, hope it has tho'. But God indeed hears this prayers and i say that our friendship isn't by chance at all, but is a God-given friendship.
=) love you nana.

Your Hidden Talent

Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people. You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together. Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly. People crave your praise and complements.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You have a passion for everything - including sleeping. Outgoing and brash, you tend to still shock those who know you well. You tend to be selfish. You are the most likely type to take over the whole bed. You gravitate toward comfort and don't like extreme situations. If you don't get enough sleep, you are: In a very bad mood It's hard to sleep next to you because: You hog the covers.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

nana will agree to this!

You Should Paint Your Room Purple

Sophisticated and exotic, purple can also be a deeply comforting color. Your purple room will inspire you to trust yourself more and go with your intuition. Purple has also been known to facilitate healing and a feeling of protection.

What Color Should You Paint Your Room?

my room's already purple...

okay, i'm bored and apparently, blogthings does take away the boredom.. anyway, here's a conversation between me and Janan. Hugging Janan is usually the first thing i do when i reach home. So yesterday i put him on my lap, hugged and asked "B, did you miss me?" Janan- "YES!" me- "How much did you miss me?" Janan- "THREE DOLLARS!"

You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist. People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you. You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words. Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

What Flower Are You?

You Are Lilac

You are a very innocent and pure person. Ethics matter to you. Your friends consider you a great listener, and you often play therapist to your friends. You are good at drawing out truths in conversation, however painful they may be. Non judgmental and patient - people feel like they can tell you anything!

What Color Purple Are You?

Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me"

A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out. Your heart is open to where ever love takes you! Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking What turns you off: fighting and conflict Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?