Why do i always get suck in, into this same cycle over and over again.
Why do i allow myself to be in such situations over and over again.
Why do i let my heart be hurt over and over again.
Why do i struggle over and over again.

Philippines tomorrow all the way up to 7th May! :D
It's gonna be really hot there.
But Lord, like what Timo shared just now: You're so good. We shouldn't complain.
So use us and let us be a blessing to the kids, the teachers, the youth, the friends, the adults. Amen.





My favourite pictures for the night :D

Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
And then commit to never leave
So lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees

Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
If we try to leave may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

To some, love is a word that they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
If we try to leave may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for
Love will come to save us, if we'll only call
He will ask nothing from us, but demand we give our all

Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
If we try to leave may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for
I would fight for you, would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for.

Carry My Cross by Third Day

As long as I remember
I've been walking through the wilderness
Praying to the Father
And waiting for my time
I've come here with a mission
And soon I'll give my life for this world

I'm praying in the garden
And I'm looking for a miracle
I find the journey hard but
It's the reason I was born
Can this cup be passed on
Lord, I pray your will be done
In this world

So I'll carry my cross
And I'll carry the shame
To the end of the road
Through the struggle and pain
And I'll do it for love
No, it won't be in vain
Yes, I'll carry my cross
And I'll carry the shame

I feel like I'm alone here
And I'm treated like a criminal
The time has come for me now
Even though I've done no wrong
Father, please forgive them
They know not what they've done
In this world

Three more days and I'll be coming back again
Three more days and I'll be coming back again

What was supposed to be a baby-sitting night for Janan turned out to be a dinner date with the other dear younger brother, Raj instead.
Parents were gonna do visiting/ministry and wanted us to look after Jan and distract him at Causeway Point but he insisted on following Mom and Dad when they dropped us off at Causeway. Thus it was just Raj and I.
He followed me while i shopped for necessities this time (knowing the reactions Dot, J.K, Pearl will give when reading this ;p) Awkwardly waiting at the side while big sister smelt lotions and perfumes/scanned tru' the shelves of creams and then commenting on the amount i spent.

Good training for him right ladies?

We had dinner at Pastamania, and what i loved about it was i got to talk to him, heart to heart, deeper topics. I wished it was longer but it was still good. We talked about his friends, whom he has gotten closer to the past year, we talked about girls, yes, girls, :p, we talked about me, the guys i liked/liked me. He and I have always been open to each other about these things.
I am quite impressed actually, when i asked him if his girlfriend next time has got to be really pretty or have a good body, he answered saying it wouldn't matter (: Tho' he did say she has got to be pleasant looking.

Maybe you think he isn't being honest. But that's a mindset we should all adopt.
When all the good looks fade, when time and age catches up, all you have got left is character. Will you still love him/her the same way you did when he/she was a sweet young thing?
It's easy to be shallow. But i'd want someone, to look at me the way I am inside. Someone to love me, for who I really am, and not because of the way i look like on the outside.

PART 2: EGOISTIC PEOPLE ON THE LOOSE ;p this is my follow up post to the last one i put up.

oooohhh goodness. what's up with me and the people i've been chatting with the past two/three days. Haha. The ego bug has caught up with our dear Sophie too!!!!!!
:D HAHA. AND AGAIN. I'm smiling to myself in front of the computer. I should stop soon 'cos i look like a loon.

2:31pm Sheela Grace
P6?

2:31pm Sophia
p5
not THAT old
he
*hee

2:32pm Sheela Grace
HAHAHAH. OLD?!

2:32pm Sophia
yupyup

2:32pm Sheela Grace
YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT WHO'S OLD?!

2:32pm Sophia
hahahaha

2:33pm Sheela Grace
hahahahahahahahhaahha!!!!you;ve got alot of explaining for yourself to do young lady if i tell this to Dot Nana Alvin they all
hahahahahahhha.
We'd breathe down your back

2:33pm Sophia
teehee
i dun mean that old
i mean that's quite old compared to me!

2:34pm Sheela Grace
oh ho ho ho

2:34pm Sophia
teehee

2:34pm Sheela Grace
hahahahaha saving yourself now huuuhh
hahahahahaha (:
you know im kidding right now right? im not really angry

2:34pm Sophia
teehee sorta
of coz :) i'm too cute to be angry with
heehee

2:34pm Sheela Grace
HAHAHAHAHAHAHASOPHIA SNG I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE THIS EGOISTIC!
WHAT HAPPENED TO QUIET DEMURE ANGELIC SOPH?!

2:38pm Sophia
hmmm
i dunno :P jkjk
it's the stress heee
still innocent though!

:D goooooodness.

I've got very egoistic friends i tell you. Haha. They sure provide entertainment and always cause me to laugh/snigger to myself in front of the computer/alone reading my smses.

Here's a little bit of the conversation between Naz and I on MSN.
hahaha. and as usual i did some publicity for Nat 7.
Friends who chat with me on MSN would ask me about the song i'm listening to (it's shown on my display name, and i have been listening to their songs for the past two weeks), now i'm seriously considering typing and saving my intro of Nat 7 on Microsoft word, so i could just copy and paste it in future (:


naz says (10:50 AM):
yeah i understand now

naz says (10:51 AM):
some ppl loves to stalk those they are attracted to coz they are afraid of rejections but dont wori sheela dont beat around the bush ok. hahahahahahaha

sheela grace espinosa pandian says (10:51 AM):
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
silly naz

naz says (10:58 AM):
eh anw wat song r u listening to uh?

sheela grace espinosa pandian says (10:59 AM):
its by this cool "band" Naturally 7 who's more than just an acapella group
they imitate instruments

sheela grace espinosa pandian says (11:00 AM):
so all the drum beats violin guitars bass saxophone flute sounds you hear all come from their voices (:
and they're so good. i watched their performance at Esplanade two sundays ago
heeheehee. and my friend Alvin got us front row seats
HEART MELTS

naz says (11:00 AM):
hahahahaha

naz says (11:01 AM):
lucky u neva see me at esplanate
ade*

sheela grace espinosa pandian says (11:01 AM):
hahahahaha. my heart melted more because of the guy who sings the bass.
siggggh.
my lovely lovely bass

naz says (11:01 AM):
if nottt i tell u

sheela grace espinosa pandian says (11:01 AM):
HAHAHAHAHAHHA. EH STOP AH
HHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAA

naz says (11:01 AM):
u become like chocolote fondue i tell u

sheela grace espinosa pandian says (11:01 AM):
nothing beats my lovely bass
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

sheela grace espinosa pandian says (11:02 AM):
wahhhlooouu nazzzzz!

naz says (11:02 AM):
hahahaha

sheela grace espinosa pandian says (11:02 AM):
hahahaha. THE WHOLE OF OUR CONVERSATION has been about you and YOUR EGO!

naz says (11:02 AM):
hahaha

sheela grace espinosa pandian says (11:03 AM):
i told you im selective of those i stalk and i stalk my lovely bass. thats it.
hahahahah. sooorrrryyy nazzzzz

naz says (11:03 AM):
sure or notttt
i dont believe u

(: the whole topic of who's stalking who came up when i asked him about Brunei and him being a medic, information that another friend (who happens to be his camp-mate right now) told me when we realized we both know Naz.
Here's another conversation i had, this time tru' sms:

Shafi'ie 1 Apr 2009, 18:50
"Just curious, do you think i look the same or abit different"

Me 18:53
"The same. Haha. Just that got no hair now"

Shafi'ie 18:57
"Dang. Thot mayb i became cuter or wat with short hair. Hahaha."

Hahahaha. Seriously. :D Friends like these crack me up.

"A woman is not born a woman. Nor does she become one when she marries a man, bears a child and does their dirty linen, not even when she joins a women's liberation movement. A woman becomes a woman when she becomes what God wants her to be" - Quoted from the book "Learning to be a Woman"

"This priceless truth can help keep your perspective clear in relation to true fulfillment in life. Too many Christian women think that the inner longings of their heart relate only to love, marriage, and motherhood. Look a little closer and see if that longing isn't untimately for Jesus."

"Gary Chapman once remarked , "I feel very strongly that marriage is not a higher calling than the single state. Happy indeed are those people, married or single, who have discovered that happiness is not found in marriage but in a right relationship with God." Fulfillment for a Christian woman begins with the Lordship of Christ in every area of her life."

"A college professor (wife, mother of seven children, singer, and author) told a group of young women that when she was eight years old, her mother told her a secret that has guided her perspective on life. The most important thing her mother would ever tell her was, ' No one, not even the man you will marry one day, can make you happy - only Jesus can. ' What a profound statement for such a little girl. This secret allowed her to grow up following Jesus with reckless abandonment"

"When a single woman enters a career or even marriage without understanding that she is complete in Christ, she will be disillusioned and dissatisfied. Incompleteness is not the result of being single, but of not being full of Jesus. Only the process of reckless abandonment to Jesus does any woman ever finally understands that, in Him, she is complete."

"When two "incomplete" singles get married, their union will not make them complete. Their marriage will be simply two "incomplete" people trying to find completeness in one another. Only when they understand that their fullness is found in a relationship with Jesus will they ever begin to complement one another.They can never complete one another. You were not created to complete another but to complement. Completion is Jesus' responsibility and complementing is a woman's (hee, and for the guys: or a man's) priveledge." wow. i've never seen in this way. i thought i was made to complete someone, but then this truth seems to jump out at me. Everytime i read this line again, my heart seems to skip a beat. We can never be able to complete someone. because only Jesus can. Only He can fill that hole in the hearts of people, men and women alike. And even if we try hard enough to "complete" someone, maybe a friend, we will never be able to satisfy, the way Jesus does.

"A woman not complete in Jesus will be a drain on her husband. Such a woman will expect her husband to fill the gap that only Jesus can fill. Only the single woman who understands this means of being complete in Jesus is mature enough to be a helpmeet (complement)"


The above excerpts taken, here and there, from the current book i'm reading, "Lady in Waiting" by Jackie Kendall & Debby Jones


I want to fall madly and deeply in love with Jesus, before i do a man.

I want to use my single days completely sold out to Him, because a single man/woman has got something valuable, that married men and women may not be able to spare, and it's time.

Jesus, it's Your presence that I long for, Your face that I seek and Your Name that I love

HAHA. Brave me decided to chat with GARFIELD BUCKLEY OF NATURALLY 7 on fb.
oh gosh. They really are so nice! He could choose not to reply me, but he still did. It is hard to have fame and yet still be so humble and it's heartwarming when we see stars having that quality.

I'm so exicited. I'm gonna rave about it NOW! :D and show off.
I'm sorry.. when it comes to this I can't keep quiet.
Haha. I have been joking and telling all those friends I have been raving about, that they are my victims. Really. There was Debs, Morven, Shahul, Lilian, Estella, Jaya, Mariam, Haresh and Kevin. To all of them i have raved about and swooned over Nat 7!

11:03am Sheela Grace
Hello hello Garfield! Its been 4 days and my friends and i are still pretty much hyped out about your performance in Spore. (:
God bless you guys. Its great when we listen carefully and hear that most of your songs are directed to God. Your group's such a blessing and for that, May God continue to bless and enrich you guys more.

11:23am Garfield
awww thank you sooo much Sheela...it was a pleasure singing in Spore we had a great time there thanks a lot

11:24am Sheela Grace
HAHA. well im sure we hope we made an impression just like you did all of us! (:

11:24am Garfield
well yes you did
remember this is our second time coming there

11:25am Sheela Grace
Yeaaa! And when will be the next? we're eagerly awaiting plus we have been raving about N7 to all the friends who did not come. :D

11:25am Garfield
but you meet different people each time too
so hopefully the next time we come back there i'll see you :-)

11:26am Sheela Grace
sure you will! We'll make sure we'll come again and get the front row seats. it was a treat (:

11:27am Garfield
awww well im glad you enjoyed yourself

11:29am Sheela Grace
hee. yeap. i did. So, take care! And enjoy all the other gigs and get more cds out in Spore toooooo. Haha. okay, ill not take much of your time. It has been a couple of days/week of gigs non-stop right? God bless you again and send my regards to the rest too. (:

11:42am Garfield
will do all the best


oh my goodness.
You don't wanna know what state I am in right now!

(: (: (: (: (:

Like Nana, no amount of smiles can tell you how happy/excited I am.

Hee, and I'm excited and yet nervous about tomorrow. Going there having no idea what I will be doing and what it is for. Need to start practising my smiles. All i know I gotta go back to work today tho' it's my day off and collect the KK Hospital jacket my ward sister, Sister K borrowed for me.

I'll write again soon what Sister K told me over the phone last night! Hahaha. She cracks me up all the time, and I like her as a person. She's probably the funniest and most DOWN-TO-EARTH, most personal Ward Sister I have.


To the parents of my dear Bed 9,
I'm sorry it happened. I can only imagine the pain You both are going tru'.
When i recalled how the two of you said "thank you" to us when leaving our ward for the ICU, the more hurt I am. And to think that You were one of the nicest parents we had.
My heart stopped for a moment when I heard the news and I teared on my way home. If only we could turn back time. At 13 years, it's far too early.
I can and will pray that God will give you strength to tide over this.

BACK FROM NATURALLY 7'S CONCERT AT ESPLANADE!


AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (: (: (:

FRONT ROW SEATS! *THANKS ALVIN!!!!!!!!!!!*

THEY REMEMBERED US!!!
during the autograph session, Dwight and Garfield asked/confirmed with me and Nana if we were the ones seating at the first row! :D :D :D :D and we were one of the last few to have our CDs signed, so it's amazing plus touching that they remembered us.

HOP'S (the bass) VOICE SWOONED ME OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Manda, Dot!!! I agree that basses are HOT ;p hehehe.
(:

We waited to take a picture with them, but the people working at Esplanade were pushing them to leave and we missed them by a few seconds :( BUT HOP REMEMBERED THAT WE WANTED TO TAKE A PHOTO WITH THEM and HE TURNED BACK AND MOTIONED FOR A PHOTO, but the guy was ushering him away!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *MELTING*

At least we managed to take a photo with Roger!

OH NO! I SOUND LIKE A CHILD!!!!

BUT I REALLY DID ENJOYED EVERY BIT OF THE PERFORMANCE!!!!
They have got such great, beautiful voices, are such REAL TALENT and knowing that they are Christians and using their voices to give glory to God, really is an inspiration! Most of their songs are about/to God! The performance was splendid, and i loved how they added humour to it, and how they always end with a "God bless"

They were worth watching, their music is worth listening to, and the next time they come to Singapore, I'll be sure to catch their show again (:

NOTE: The band doesn't use ANY INSTRUMENTS none at all.
All the music/instruments, and i mean COMPLETE with drums, electric guitar, violin, bass, , flute, dj tables etc come from their VOICES, and their voices alone!!!!and hearing them LIVE was FANTASTIC! there were hair raising moments, heart thumping moments and i couldn't help smiling! THEY WERE FABULOUS!

And to give you a little nugget showing how much the four of us enjoyed them, after we've parted to go on our own ways back home, we did some mass-smsing among us:

Alvin: "Absolutely sub-zero tempertaure cool la! i believe tt most of their songs are abt God :) N in one of their songs they were actually reminding people 2 think abt e lyrics n not just dance! How cool is that! :) Dis is e best musical performance i've had e priveledge of attending! Tnx 4 intro-ing :D"

Me: "My best ever too! Really thank God for this group they are an inspiration!"

Dot: "Was reading their testimonies in e cd cover n ALL of them were thanking God "When e singers are gifted, God is uplifted" Im so happy i had u guys 4 company"

Nana: "Gosh. I can still hear their voice ringing in my ears! *heart melts* they're so good. And its really cool that they glorify God with their songs (:"

I love their voice control. AWESOME.

And here's a picture with 1/7 of them, Roger (:

and another of us and their poster!!! hahaha, 'cos we missed them by a few seconds, don't make me think of that more, i'd get sad again :(

The new face you see there is Dot's ex-student, who's actually both mine and Nana's junior! :D We made a new friend.

Glorify Your Name

Your presence Your Glory
You're welcome here
All honor, dominion
Lord please come near
We want you
We need You
We live to glorify Your Name

Glorify Your Name
Glorify Your Name
Glorify Your Name above all names

Yes Lord, I want you. I need you. I live to glorify Your Name

My parents and Janan went off to Maesot, Thailand today and they'd be there for a short trip until wednesday. I worked the p.m. shift today thus I could not see my parents before they left home for the airport, so they sent me smses before they left.

We all know that a mother's love for her children are shown tru' words. Quite literally. (:
Here's a snippet:

4.43pm, MOM : Grl, dr r laundries u ned 2 hang 4me 2more outside wen its not rainin. Just bring d pail outside n hang dm. D towels, pls hang each on d hanger. Got hangers on d windows.

4.44pm, MOM: the exact same message as above

4.46pm, MOM : Make sure dy don't touch d floor. Just use pails. U take care, we'l call u fr maesot. Make sure u take yur key fr dor. Lock gate, lock dor n put stopper on d dor. Sat, u can cok rice and heat up beef 4lunch.

5.05pm, DAD : Sweetheart, u take cre ha. Love u. We wil col u frm bangkok 2nite

5.45pm, MOM : Grl, pls put the curry in the fridge. Also, there are chiko fruit in the fridge, pls eat. Ask your bro to eat too, it is very good. Take care, pls put your ph on alarm in the morning. See you both on wed. Love you.

:D There! I kept smiling after reading all five smses and showed them to Lilian and Jessette at work, and they were laughing as they read them all, with Jessette saying, "it's like that. Mom's are like that". Hee, She's a young mom too (:

And sidetracking: MY MOM'S SHORT FORMS IN HER SMSES ARE SIMPLY HORRID RIGHT?! There really were times when i read her smses and had to take a long time to discern what she was trying to tell me. Hahaha. My mom's so cute la. :D

Manda did this quiz and Dot asked me to do it too, so here are my results and like Manda, I find the answers quite accurate (:

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward.
You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
(: though this doesnt say much about the type of boyfriend i'm looking for isnt it?

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
(so, to the darling people who have been asking me when am i gonna get a boyfriend, this pretty much sums up my answer ;D
I have got no rush. I've got to enjoy singlehood as much as i can right now, agree? Because the moment i'm in a committed relationship, i'm in it for life! (: I'm also a fervent advocator of THE LIST. Unless he matches all the criterias in it, i will not settle.
Another good point you should take is that to make sure that the criterias/characteristics/attitudes you want in a boyfriend/husband is realistic; share and show that list to friends you trust and be accountable to them. They'd be able to point out too, if you are dreaming way too much or setting unrealistic standards. I've shown my list to Manda, Dot, Nana and Alvin. Another pointer to help when you're writing your list too, is to think if YOU too, can fulfill and have the attitudes/characteristics you want in him/her. It'd be quite unfair if you expect him/her for example, to look past your little faults/quirks if you don't want to do the same for him/her!
And while I'm waiting for the "right"/best person, I need to prepare myself to be the "right" /best one for him too, and that is what I advice you to do too. Marriage is a union of two souls. It's not so much just to fill the human void in you, because in us, we all have that want, the desire or should i say a need. That need to love and to be loved. But both should be able to complement each other, to complete each other, both should want to bless each other. It's not so much of "what my boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife must have to complete me". The attitude should be "how can i complete my boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife". How can i be his/her oasis.
So make that list and pray about/upon it. Pray that likewise, the same way you want him/her to match it, you gotta match it too ;p)

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
(hee. They have got the "aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like" part right on the dot!)

Your views on education:
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.
(Being a staff nurse allows me to burn off my considerable excess energy, sometimes way too much! I am one who can't hold down a desk-job too, i need, really really need to move around and talk)

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
(I'm more confident and probably confident only of success because I know I have got God by my side, and because I know I am in the place where He wants me to be in right now. When you obey God and serve/do what He wants you to do, you will find that blessings is sure to follow you, it may be in promotions, money or even intangible blessings like having that joy in your heart, a smile in your face and such great peace that absolutely NOTHING can ever take away)

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
(I'm a people person, and when it comes to problems, i always need someone to hear me out, going tru them with people i trust, and yet at the same time, i don't want to be dependant on them. I always see strength as being able to climb back on your own feet eventually and moving on with life. And i for one, am no damsel-in-distress too (: I appreciate all the help but i don't like to be seen and viewed as a delicate flower ALL of the time)

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
(I get bogged down and bothered by people-issues, their troubles somehow becomes mine, and i end up worrying, getting bothered or being angry by an issue on behalf of them, even if they don't feel that way!)

Just ended my round of night shifts, i'm really thankful that in KKH we only do two nights per round. The first night was bad. Terribly, horribly busy. We would only have 4 staffs scheduled on night shifts. And we had 8 admissions that very night. One every hour until 5am.. And three of my patients needed IV plug, blood cultures and one needed to do lumbar puncture. Goodness. All three in a row. Never had i assisted in three blood cultures straight one after the other. A record for me 'cos even on morning/afternoon shifts, we don't normally assist in three at one go!

And on a side note, people who work in hospitals can be quite supersticious. As the House Officer was struggling to do clerking for all the new admissions (it just kept piling up for him! He'd start on one and another new patient will come in - we had alot of new casefiles sitting on top the other, on the table!), the Medical Officer came to help and she needed to review the new patients anyway. It was already at around 4a.m., and seeing that the H.O. has yet to bathe and change into his scrubs, she went "YOU DIDN'T BATHE?! IT'S YOU!!!! (pointing at him) 8 ADMISSIONS IS CRAZY! YOU STOP YOUR WORK AND GO BATHE! (motioning for him to go out of the ward) QUICK GO BATHE, AT LEAST SHOWER, PLEASE!"

Hahaha. He had quite a sheepish expression after the M.O. admonished him for not taking a shower! And heard from my colleague, he said "I better go and bathe before all of you start scolding me", he did hear both Seow Chee and I complaining that the night is crazily busy. At one part, (after his shower, haha, we were still complaining la), he looked at us and smiled embarrassly. Indeed the busiest i've ever had before, usually i'd be able to sit down by 1130pm and buy snacks from downstairs and eat, but we didn't couldn't sit down most of the shift. Only swallowed a sushi Seow Chee gave/shared with each us, gulp down a little of milk tea i bought earlier before continuing with work.

I did grab whatever chances i could to sit, when writing out reports/labelling specimen forms. But i was up at my feet most of the whole night.

When we came back for our 2nd night, Seow Chee, Kartina and I had the same expression, haha, we did not even want to walk into the ward. But thank God 2nd night was so much better.

However my body is aching from neck down now, even at my ankles!

Why is it so important that we keep ourselves until marriage?
That we view romance not just with our feelings, react to it not just with our emotions but also with our heads? With wisdom and with respect.
Manda asked this question before when we were on this topic.
Why did God give us brains for if not to use it?

"I love my boyfriend and i am gonna marry him in the end, so why does it matter if we go beyond the limits? Why does it matter if we're having sex now or only later after marriage?"

What IF you DON'T marry him?
What IF you GET PREGNANT and he shirks responsibility?
What IF he does feel the need to be responsible and does marry you, NOT because he is ready to commit and to spend his life with you and sure of it, but only because you're carrying his child?

Would you be able to live with that?
Allowing room for doubt years later down the road where you stop and wonder if things didn't happen the way it did, what would become of the two of you? Where would you now be in your life?

Do you really want that?

There is a need to protect our hearts and to protect our bodies
This is no joke
God planned a season for everything
A season to be single
A season to fall in love
A season to marry and to have children

When we push and rush to be in seasons that we are not ready for
We shortchange our destinies
We shortchange God
Yes, something wonderful may still come out of it
But i'd rather have what God had initially planned for me
I'd rather enjoy the seasons as they come
Beautiful moments can only be beautiful when it's allowed to bloom and grow in it's own season, in it's own place


Joshua Harris writes about intimacy in his book, "I kissed Dating Goodbye" :

(page 28, A little principle) " An intimate relationship is a beautiful experience that God wants us to enjoy. After all, He stated that it wasn't good for man to be alone and created the woman to perfectly complement him and help him (Genesis 2: 18). but God has made the fulfillment of intimacy a by-product of commitment-based love. If we want to experience the goodness of His plan, we need to reconnect the pursuit of intimacy with the pursuit of commitment. This is what i call the Little Relationship Principle:

The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment.

All of us want intimacy. It means being close to someone. It's being vulnerable, open, and dependent. It's giving to and recieving from another person the deepest parts of who we are - our hopes, our fears, our secrets, our affections. An intimate relationship in which we know and are known by another human is one of the most fulfilling and precious parts of life - it's a gift from God.

There are many different kinds of intimate relationships in life. We can be intimate with a friend, a family member, with a coworker, but the deepest, most meaningful of intimate relationships (outside of a Christian's relationship with God) is the one between a husband and a wife who share not only their hearts but also their bodies- in sexual intimacy, two people know each other in a profound way.

What each of these relationships has in common is trust. We are intimate with those people who have proven their faithfulness to us, people who have shown over time that they will be careful to guard what we have given of ourselves. We're intimate with people who are commited to us.

You might say that intimacy between a man and a woman is the icing on the cake of a relationship headed toward marriage. And if we look at intimacy that way, then it becomes obvious that most of our dating relationships are all icing. They usually lack a purpose or a clear destination. In most cases, especially when we're younger, dating is short term, serving the needs for the moment. We date because we want to enjoy the emotional and physical benefits of intimacy without the responsibility of real commitment. "

Another thing we need to realize, unless we are married to someone, in no way are we allowed to enjoy the benefits of physical intimacy with him or her.

Girls, guard your bodies as much as you guard your hearts.
DO NOT give them away so easily.
Save yourself for a man you truly love and who loves you back just as much
Save yourself for someone who has shown his commitment to you, the one who will place that ring on your finger, the one who will say those vows to you, before God and before the congregation as witness

Guys, protect our hearts and our bodies
When we love, we give our all, sometimes allowing emotions to rob us of being clear,
Thus we need you to guard us too
Respect us
And also in that same way, you save yourself for the woman who will make the same commitment to you, as you do her.

Mum had always told and reminded me, since i was at the age of 6, that a lady's virginity is her gift and probably the best gift she can ever give her husband, and as i grew up, i thought that likewise, by saving myself for him, i would want him to save himself for me!

(page 52, Joshua Harris "I kissed Dating Goodbye") " I cannot "own" someone outside of marriage. In God's eyes two married people become one. And as you continue to mature, you'll often crave the oneness that comes from sharing life with someone. Perhaps you feel the desire even now. Yet i believe that until we're ready to commit our lives in marriage, we have no right to treat anyone as if he or she belongs to us. Sarah and Philip are both seniors in high school and have gone out with each other for six months. Their relationship has reached a fairly serious level. In fact, for all intents and purposes, they might as well be married. They rarely do anything apart - they monopolize each other's weekends, drive each other's cars, and know each other's families as well as their own. Their physical relationship is also fairly serious. In fact, it's in a precarious position. Even though they haven't had sex, they constantly struggle with going too far.

The old attitude says we can "play marriage" if we really love someone. But the new attitude views a claim on another person's time, affection, and future before marriage is unwarranted.
Sarah and Philip realize they need to end their relationship as it now exists. By staking a claim on each other, they've stifled their individual growth and needlessly consumed energy that they should have directed into service and preparation for the future. They've planned their lives around each other when they don't really know that they'll get married someday. And in reality, if they're like most high school couples, there's a good chance they will probably marry someone else.

Even if Sarah and Philip had kept their physical relationship completely pure, they still would have unwarranted claims on each other's spiritual and emotional lives by continuing the relationship. If God wants them to be together in future, their current decision to halt their involvement won't endanger His plan. Right now they should choose to obey God and break up a relationship that has them stealing from each other.

Are you making unwarranted emotional, spiritual, or even physical claims on someone? Ask God to show you whether you need to re-evaluate a current relationship. "

Do not play with fire, lest you get burnt
Do not shoot yourself in your own foot
When we are in a relationship and we explore in ways we shouldn't, we are playing with fire!
Are you ready for the hurt and the pain that comes after that?
When we get burnt?

So what, if he's your boyfriend or she's your girlfriend now? You still have no claim or rights over each others' bodies!
When you give your chastity away so easily, and if/when you marry someone else in the end,
Will you be able to look that person in the eye and be able to say,
"You're the only one"

Respecting each other goes a long way.
It pays to wait.
Making it all the more sweeter when we allow intimacy to happen at the right time.

Elisabeth Elliot, Passion and Purity,
" A question of chastity. An outmoded word, the world says, but the truth is it's a Christian's obligation. It means abstention from sexual activity. For the Christian there is one rule and only one rule only: total abstention from sexual activity outside of marriage and total faithfulness inside marriage. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts"

We need, we must be very careful!
In a time and age where this thinking and value now seems obsulate, it is still possible to have a stand and to stick by it!
To have values and stick with them!

Romans 12: 1: "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship"

1 Corinthians 6:18: "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside of his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body"

vs19: "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have recieved from God? You are not your own"

vs20: "you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body"

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7: " Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes. always perseveres"

Philippians 4: 6-7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition,with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding,will gueard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus."


Waiting patiently.

Elisabeth Elliot writes these in Passion and Purity,

" Psalm25: 5: on thee i wait all day"

"1 Chronicles 22:18: To wait on the Lord is to stand perfectly still... can we two trust His words, 'Is not the Lord your God with you? And hath he not given you rest on every side?.."

"Patient waiting does not come naturally for most of us, but a great deal is said about it in the bible. It is an important discipline for anyone who wants to learn to trust."

"But the things that we feel most deeply we ought to learn to be silent about, at least until we have talked them thoroughly over with God"

"How long Lord, must i wait?"
"Nevermind, child, trust me"

Lord Jesus, i pray for myself, for my friends and for my generation
Let us hold Your standards dear,
Hold Your values close to us
In no way, we will be moved
Let us in no way compromise who we are in You
Teach us, teach me to patiently wait
To be still, to be quiet
Forgive us Lord when we choose not to trust in You
Forgive us when we choose to steer our own lives
Forgive us for the mistakes we have made
If our thoughts and our actions have not been pleasing to You
Purify us
Santify us
You are God over everything
You created Eve for Adam
So surely, surely Oh Lord
You know who's best for us
You have already fashioned someone for each of us
I pray that we will not shortchange our destinies
Myself and the people i love
We will not toy with Your plans
But our eyes and our ears will be open to Your whispers, to Your thoughts
Matters of the heart can be complicated stuff
But never too complicated for You to handle
Take charge dear God, take control over this area
I love you
Amen.

But friends, i wanna encourage you, if your past is something you're not proud of, remember
Romans 8:1:"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"

There were skeletons in my closet which i hid too, a past i'm not very proud of myself, BUT THERE IS NO CONDEMNATION!

Isaiah 43: 18-19: "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not percieve it?


In "Put Away Your past" by Lisa Bevere,
She says, "Your past is not Your future."
"If we measure our future by our past, we are doomed to repeat it. It is fallacy to believe that by studying our past failures, traumas or abuses we prevent or correct our current ones. Looking at our past does not guarentee our future - it prevents it. When we search, analyze and delve into our yesterdays, we are limited to our own accumulated information of abuse or wrong decisions. Drawing on our own wisdom and experience will not safeguard our future. We need someone bigger and wiser than ourselves to guide and protect us - we need God"

" We cannot turn fully into the beautiful future God has for us until we completely turn away from our past"


In "Generation Esther", Lisa Ryan writes,
"I want to say something important here, though: If this discussion about the need for purity has brought conviction in your heart, please be encouraged- you can always begin again. If you haven't maintained purity in your life, you aren't forever disquailified from finding God's destiny for your life. God can cleanse you and make you whole again. If you let Him, God will set you apart again, or perhaps for the first time, for His purposes. Remember this: it is never too early or too late to start walking in purity in every area of your life."

So, give your past to God.
God never remembers the wrong we have done once we offer it to Him and seek His forgiveness
Forget your past and give your future to God (:

For my beloved "doctor" and i. (i'm hoping that you, my doctor will realize that i'm referring to you, don't wanna make it very obvious that's why) :


Elizabeth Elliot wrote this in her journal and felt this when she was around our age too, and in her book Passion and Purity she goes: ' My heart was saying, "Lord, take away this longing, or give me that for which I long." The Lord was answering, "I must teach you to long for something better." '

I feel exactly this way.
I also feel hurt, confused, angered and foolish.
But you know my dearest doctor, i'm thankful that I'm going through this period with you and with the bestfriend.
Need to get all my thoughts right. All my emotions right. Need to clear this cloud of confusion clogging up in my head.

I love you both so much. Thank you for hearing me out. *hugs*

Done my round of nights. Now it's my turn to have a long weekend (: Have been keeping my nails long so i can nail-polish it.
My nights were great. Interesting how i'm enjoying work more and more. Maybe i've found my place for this season. Maybe it's the amazing people i'm working with.
Maybe i'm just a simple person.
Maybe it's cos God's teaching me and moulding me and allowing me to learn to love life.
To see life as precious, i enjoy being around this kids. Enjoy doing what i do.

They are some really really REALLY naughty ones. Okay, maybe just one.
Let me not go there. I start fuming when i think of him. And of his father.
Argh. Like father, like son. I'm still flabbergasted with what happened last night.
When the dad started being unreasonable to us yesterday, i felt all my insides flaming 'cos i've never come across such ridiculous behaviour. Though we were confronted rudely for no proper reason at all, I kept quiet 'cos i knew if i were to speak or answer him more, i'd start raising my voice.

My little baby at Bed 2 is putting on more weight. (:
He came in malnourished and is still pretty much malnourished for a 9 mth old baby. But chubby cheeks have now replaced the sunken ones he had when he first came back to us. He has got such a handsome face now. And he sleeps like an angel (:

My teenage patient, the one i very aptly named Lily for this blog, is getting better. She's walking around now., with assistance nevertheless but it's a HUGE improvement. :D We've taken out the NG tube and she's eating on her own. She's been with us so long that even her boyfriend is so familiar with us. He knows all our names by heart.

Haha. Sister K did night with us. She was the Unit Sister for all Paed Medical wards last night.
One of our phones is faulty, we got the FM guy to come fix it, he came and checked it out but said that he'll get someone to come back again in the morning.
So, both Lilian and I were alone in the ward while Kartina and Mariam went downstairs to buy snacks when Sister K came out to check up on us. She caught the two of us using the internet, haha, but only scolded us lightly and in a funny way, told us to do some other stuff and then the faulty phone started ringing.
She answered it and there wasn't anyone at the other end.

She went "hello? hello? Eh?? No one"
(looking at us) " This person does not want to talk"
(then back to the reciever) "IS THIS SHEELA'S BOYFRIEND??!!!!"

Hahaha! Seriously Sister K?
That was a hilariously unexpected thing to say. Both Lil and I could not stop laughing.

The previous night was with Kartina, Gracy and Subha. And Gracy sure can crap alot. Kartina becomes high at night too. Haha. We laughed so loud, Subha, the most sane one among us, had to keep going "Shhhh! Shhhh!"


Thank You Lord for protecting my nights, my patients, and us nurses.
Thank You for my colleagues.
Thank You for Your blessings.
Its true how you know our hearts, how you know what makes us truly happy
You give us the very best and for that I thank You.

Not looking forward to doing my round of night shifts today and tomorrow. Mainly because it's the post- CNY period where there will be a flood of admissions for diarrhoa, vomiting, gastritis etc.
Last week itself (pre-CNY period) was really busy, we had to open up our empty cubicle to accomodate the children admitting in. And when we discharge one kid, another kid will come in not long after.

Met Haresh, my umbrella friend two days back. (: Haha. It has been two years since we last met!! Time sure does not wait for no one. It just flies and skids past you.
So, i'm learning to savour every moment. He happened to be around Novena for some working stint, since i was working the pm shift and we'd end work about the same time, he called and waited for me.

It is good meeting up an old friend.
You think about the years back in sec school, the fun, when we were buddies and when he bullied me, when i bullied him, but seriously, in sec school, no one bullied me like Ting Hao, the guy i was sitting beside in our classroom seat arrangement! Nana knows, 'cos i complained to her.
He'd pinch my arms for fun, or when he ask for something and i don't reply, until my arms were covered with so many bruises! He yakked alot. He disturbed alot. He poked alot. It was nightmare sitting beside him!
But he was also a darn good friend, patient and always listening, though he sometimes struggle with what encouraging words to say in return (:
Haha, and when he started getting interested in one of our classmate, he decided to go sit beside her for one lesson, after which she told me she's amazed that i could put up with all his classroom etiquette for 2 years.
Wonder what became of him now. Bumbed into him in the bus 2 years back too, but could not talk cos he was seated at the back and i was already getting off the bus, he might be in civil defense cos' of the uniform.
One thing i kinda feel regret is that i haven't really stayed contact with some of my good friends back in sec sch. Some i do quite frequently, like Haresh and Darsh and occasionally Sarah, Renu, Zakiah, Faslinda but the rest just dissappeared.

At work, we girls are getting pretty used to being under Sister K's care. She's more a friend than she is a boss/supervisor!
We find ourselves joking with her more easily. Even before entering her room i'll go "SISTERRRRRRRRR!!!!" something i definetly would not do to Sister L.! Yesterday Sangeetha leaned slightly on Sister K. LEANED!

I like her, despite the fact that she makes really horrid rosters, i still like her.

There's this 10 year old Malay boy in the isolation room i have been looking after the past 3 days. It being the CNY holiday period, his whole family stays with him in the hospital, they've managed to make the room into a cosy home. His two younger siblings are cute. especially the youngest, and his parents are so nice. His mom will always go "thanks so much dear/darling".
So anyway, whenever i go in, i'd explain to them why the doctor ordered this and that, and answer their questions or just talk to them.
Towards the end of my shift 2 days ago, i went back in to take the boy's temperature. While waiting for the thermometer to beep, his younger brother, probably about the age of 9, finally asked his dad quite earnestly in Malay, i could understand, and it goes like this "Dad, why does this nurse look Malay but only speak in English?"

HAHA. so cute right?! I wonder whether he was tormenting himself with that question until he finally asked his dad. I smiled and answered him myself, explaining that i'm mixed. His dad explained it to him again in Malay.
And from then on, even the following days after, he TOLD everyone who talked to me in Malay that i wasn't Malay, i'm actually mixed but one time he got it wrong, he told his mom that "her mom's singaporean and her dad's from Philippines" (:
Children are just lovely.

This is for Manda, whenever you feel lonely :D hugs.

Thought of you when i read this from the book Passion and Purity.
I know, things are getting so much better and i'm really glad for that, but whenever homesick- ness kicks in, remember this.
The book's about relationships, the affairs of the heart but i felt that this also serves as reminder for all of us, whether we're wanting/missing that special companionship or just in the area of friendships.

All those who are stuggling with loneliness, this is for you too (:



What to do with Loneliness

Be still and know that He is God. When you are lonely, too much stillness is exactly the thing that seems to be laying waste your soul. Use that stillness to quiet your heart before God. Get to know Him. If He is God, He is still in charge.

Remember that you are not alone. "The Lord, He is that doth go with thee. He will not fail thee nor forsake thee. Be strong and of good courage." (Deut 31:8)
Jesus prmised His disciples, "Lo, I am with you always" (Matt 28:20) Never mind if you cannot feel His presence. He is there, never for one moment forgetting you.

Give thanks. In times of my greatest loneliness I have been lifted up by the promise of 2 Cor 4:17,18, "For this slight momentary afflcition is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, because we look not to the things of that are unseen. "This is something to thank God for. This lonelinessitself, which seems a weight, will be far outweighed by glory.

Refuse self-pity. Refuse it absolutel. It is a deadly thing with power to destroy you. Turn your thoughts to Christ who has already caried your griefs and sorrows.

Accept Your loneliness. It is one stage, and only one stage, on a journey that brings you to God. It will not always last.

Offer up your loneliness to God. As the little boy offered to Jesus his five loaves and two fishes, God can transform it for the good of others.

Do something for somebody else. No matter who or where you are, there is something you can do, somebody who needs you. Pray that you may be an instrument of God's peace, that where there is loneliness you may bring joy.

From, Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot

I'm tired.
Hate doing am-pm-am-pm shifts. Drains all my energy physically and mentally.
I'm too tired to pick up the phone, call and talk to my bestfriend although i miss her alot today!

True enough, i have got to take antibiotics, ALL 112 of them pesky round pink tablets.
Plus, i have got to wear face mask all the time at work for all of the two weeks i'm covered with antibiotics.
Makes me feel infected and diseased.
Argh.

Oh well, as a nurse we're always exposed to all kinds of diseases.
And the baby's really cute. (:
Couldn't help hugging him that day.