overwhelmed with studies, with projects, have not settled down yet, still do not have much clue on how to start, where to start.. =( speaking of clues,"dear anonymous, please kindly tell me who who you are, the clues you gave me is still not enough.. =)"
This song has been ringing in my head the past 2 weeks. In a way, it's giving me the comfort that i need.. Tired of relying on my own strength, tired of feeling low.
"Times of refreshing,
Here in Your presence
No greater blessing
Than being with You
My soul is restored
My mind is renewed
There's no greater joy Lord
Than being with You"
(chris,haha,am amazed that you could reach the notes though we were singing it 2 semitones lower,my comfortable range.. haha,but you and alvin still harmonized most of the time)
have you ever had those days when you choose clothes/shoes and you wear it at home you think its okay, but the moment you leave home and on the way to your various destinations, you start feeling silly because of the choices you made? come on, im very sure im not the only soul who experience this kind of days.
It happened twice this week, day after the other..was waiting for the bus on thursday when it dawned upon me that i was a human "zebra-crossing"! Beautifully completed with black and white accesories too. Was too late for school to turn back and change clothes, although even if i still had time, i'd be too lazy to go back home. Well, the comfort i had was that there were other human zebra-crossings around too.
My classes ends at 12pm on fridays, so decided to wear my pointed heels to school so i could go straight to work when lecture ends.Ray asked me this question once when he saw my heels, "why do girls still wear this kind of shoes despite all the pain they get from it?"So yes, dad dropped me at the MRT station and i hadn't walk for long, when the little toe on my right started screaming in pain. It was only then that i thought about the long walk from the station to school and to my class, and i could have wore slippers comfortably and just bring the heels along in my bag. Anyway, i still managed to last the whole day with the heels, Thank God. Of course i resorted to walking around the office & working barefooted.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
met nana at amk hub after school..she ended class at 3 i ended at 330pm.. knew she wanted to go there to buy donuts, so called her, made her wait for me and met her to have late lunch.
a date between me and my best friend. And of course we crapped alot, i dont know if there will ever be a day without me and her NOT crapping. Trying so hard to imagine ourselves 20-30 years down the road.. we'll be probably sitting down and still crapping.. wonder how our husbands will take it, yea gurl?
And thank you nana for choosing to stubbornly wait for your sugar glazed donuts to be ready. I'm so proud of my "accomplishment".. (can't post exactly what i accomplished,though i want to, because the whole thing was embarrasingly dumb) But im not suffering from any drought no more =)
a date between me and my best friend. And of course we crapped alot, i dont know if there will ever be a day without me and her NOT crapping. Trying so hard to imagine ourselves 20-30 years down the road.. we'll be probably sitting down and still crapping.. wonder how our husbands will take it, yea gurl?
And thank you nana for choosing to stubbornly wait for your sugar glazed donuts to be ready. I'm so proud of my "accomplishment".. (can't post exactly what i accomplished,though i want to, because the whole thing was embarrasingly dumb) But im not suffering from any drought no more =)
Monday, April 23, 2007
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the two MEN in my class, desmond and hafiz. the 3 beautiful ladies, again, =) siti,rozy and dani. (doesn't siti look like a model?)
me and dani. Doesn't Hafiz look hilarious?At least pose properly with the forceps laaa..
(forcep is an instrument for grasping, holding firmly, or exerting traction upon objects especially for delicate operations =p)
"River of God, river of God
Pour your waters over me.
Like a deep cleansing flood,
from the throne of God
Pour Your Spirit over me"
for i need Your strength Lord...
its the 2nd week of year 3.. and am already mentally drained. Need that time of refreshing.
okay, i'll talk about yesterday.. i'm helping out in children's church by worship leading once a month and i forgot that it was my turn to lead yesterday.. =( somehow i thought that yday was the third sunday of the month and next week's my turn. Anyhow, rushed to get the songs.
(This has happened before, there was a lil' misunderstanding with the roster once, and although it wasn't my turn, the teachers thought it was me worship leading and no one else came prepared. Was downstairs in the main service when Manda walked to me and told me that i have to worship lead. Was a lil' hurt, im not sure why. i think it was particularly because tho' wasn't my turn, it seemed like i forgot about my "duty", i somehow felt irresponsible, and im not used to being told to lead straightaway without being given time to prepare for it, choosing the songs, preparing myself...
I still rushed to prepare the songs anyway and still carried on to sing and lead the children. But came back down to the main service discouraged and still hurt after that. I guess that the hurt was written all over my face because when my dad saw me he asked me what had happened and i started tearing. He brought me outside and after listening dad held me and told me that as a worship leader i should be ready in season and out of season. To be prepared to be asked suddenly to lead, and that when it happens i should choose songs that is already placed in my heart, songs that im singing inside of me..and that i shoudn't blame myself or see it as being irresponsible. He then said that he's glad that it happened because it did make me lean on Him, and not on my own strength, trusting God for the songs for that time, that hour..)
Back to yday, thank God for Chris who can play the keys by ear, so i dont have to rush to search for the scores and for Serene who helped me w the ppt, thank you both =) Anyway, the reason why im writing all this is although the preparation time was short, although i chose the songs in a rush, God still moved greatly, among the kids. The past months whenever i worship lead, i see the kids not responding, not singing, not worshipping and that can be discouraging, sometimes when i sing in front of them i feel like me and the youth serving with me are the YOUNG ones, not them..But yday we saw them responding.There was a handful who were singing with all their strengths, raising their hands.And that, was heartwarming & encouraging. *Thank You Lord"
1 Timothy 4:12: " Let no one despise your youth........"
- not to young to be used by Him =)
"God is moving, God is moving.
Can you hear the sound of revival..."
had a fun time in school today, particularly during lab lesson. YES put a bunch of crappy people together and it all adds up to fun, fun, fun. We can even make the most boring of all lessons into something enjoyable, i know i've never said it, and i know that i don't spend alot of time with them, but i love my class, indeed i do.. =)
Friday, April 20, 2007
i want this life of mine to have a significance.. i want this life of mine to impact people..
Had tutorial on sociology earlier today.The topic was work and teacher (i dont know his name although he has taken my class for a number of tutorials during the past 2 years and i like the way he teaches. Anyway, i've always had this difficulty in remembering names. I get a lil' nervous when i bump into old friends from pri/sec sch. Especially when they go "HI SHEELA!" whereas i'll just say "oh..HELLO!" while desperately trying to recall their names in my mind. And i will take like 15-30mins, once, even a day,until i remember =( im better with recognizing faces though) started it with talking about whether we know we will enjoy our jobs, leaving work feeling satisfied & asking us to share to the class what our dream jobs were.
Well, in case you all want to know, recently i've been thinking of working in an orphanage but that is after some years in nursing specializing in paediatrics. Either that or a teacher, teaching nursing of course.
So the class went on and he mentioned that while having dream jobs is good, we got to think if we are cut out for it too based on our gifts and talents (eg. wanting to be a tour guide but not enjoying people's company, a policewoman without meeting the height requirement), and last of all if what we will do, will make a significance. Will we impact people with what we do. This struck me the most during the lesson. Impacting people. He then shared this real story of an ordinary cab driver in US.
(Can't type it out word for word, the lesson was at 8am) The driver was about to end his night shift when he got a call to pick up a passenger, so he went to the place to pick the passenger up and came to a building that that was only lit on the first floor. The driver wrote that under such circumstances - some areas could be dangerous especially in the wee hours of morning- they will usually horn a few times and if still no one comes to take the cab, they will drive off. But this time he decided to get out of the cab and walked to the door. He rang the bell and old, frail lady with a suitcase opened the door after sometime. He helped her into the taxi and the lady told him the address and asked to go by the downtown route. He told her that it'll take much longer and she replied saying that she wasn't in a rush as no one will be waiting for her and that she was going to a hospice as she's all alone. So off they went and tru out the journey, the lady showed him and they stopped at places which held deep memories to her, places where she first met her husband, places where they dated, where she as a young lady laughed, grew up in. The driver also wrote moments when he would wait for her as she would stare at buildings like as though she's lost in memory. The journey took a much longer time and they reached the hospice only at dawn. That was when he knew that the lady was walking into her last phase of life, a place where she will past eventually. She sat on a wheelchair, thanked the driver and asked him how much the ride was. He was himself shocked that instead of telling the price, he reached out and hugged her and told her that she didn't need to pay. After he left he thought to himself, what if he didn't answered the call to pick her up, if he had been impatient and did the normal, horn a few times and drive off, what if a grumpy driver who was rushing to end his shift picked her up instead. This lonely woman would have been deprived in a way, without seeing the places which she dearly loves, for the last time.
This cab driver, ordinary as he and his job was, impacted a life of someone who, sadly, in our society today (general) deems as insignificant. He could have insisted to go by the shorter route instead to end his shift quickly. He must have been tired as it was towards the end of his shift, surely he wanted to get home to rest fast. Yet he was willing to patiently drive, wait, listen. He had definitely brought a smile to her face. At the same time, he took the extra mile, a taxi driver doesnt need to listen, to stop the car, and wait as we reminisce our past, they just pick us up, send us to our destination and wait for us to pay.
I guess, in everyline of work, or maybe not even work, but in whatever we do, we could make an impact on a life. It is achievable. It could be simple things like giving up a seat to an elderly or a pregnant woman in the MRT, that will light up their day. By doing that, we have already impacted someone's life. A business person could give some of their earnings to charity work. That's impacting lives. At the same time hold on to this verse in the bible (don't know which one, got to look for it) that says "Do unto others what you want others to do unto you" Its a well known sentence too. I tell myself next time when im pregnant and walk into the MRT (*Lord, please bless me with a husband who has a car* =p), i will greatly appreciate someone who'll give up his/her seat for me, that's why i give up my seats. Not boasting, but i'm holding on to that verse and i know i'll help to relieve her ache in the legs from that weight thats she needs to carry everyday. Same goes for the elderly.
sidetrack a little - oh, there was this time when i was on my way to sch, so took the train and sat beside this guy who looked to be in his late 20s. Then the next stop an elderly woman came in, didn't see her at first, she was standing a lil far. I knew the guy saw her too. so you know, as a girl, i'll expect that in such conditions the MALE should offer his seat first, his supposed to be the genlteman, ladies were not termed as gentlewomen. Though that doesn't mean we should not be okay. And he was not, i repeat, WAS NOT sleeping. so without standing i look at the grandma, and turned to look at the guy, saw him looking at her too before turning to look at me. .. and,oh this is classic.. we looked at each other for a few seconds and he CLOSED his eyes!!!!!! He actually pretended to SLEEP! so fed up,straightaway stood and motioned to the grandma to sit. Huh. He was sitting down much longer than me la. Still could look at me later on la, cos we were stopping at the same stop. Gosh. how ungentlemanly this guys can get.
So anyway, yup.. i would want my life to in a way, impact others, bless them, not so that they can remember/look up to me/sing me praises, its not about me. I now find that i have a heart for the orphans, that is why i want to work there, and nursing skills is handy. Im still not sure what to do.. will see and pray about it, but in the end, i want to go where He sends me too.
And i also pray that we will want to make someone's day, wanting to have a significance by impacting. Im no angel, i do think about myself and my own needs too, but imagine how life will be so much better if we stop thinking about ourselves entirely and start thinking about others.
"I will go where You send me
Jesus take me now, I am Yours
I am Yours
Lay my life on the altar,
everything i give to You alone
Here i am, here i am..
Here i am, send me"
Well, in case you all want to know, recently i've been thinking of working in an orphanage but that is after some years in nursing specializing in paediatrics. Either that or a teacher, teaching nursing of course.
So the class went on and he mentioned that while having dream jobs is good, we got to think if we are cut out for it too based on our gifts and talents (eg. wanting to be a tour guide but not enjoying people's company, a policewoman without meeting the height requirement), and last of all if what we will do, will make a significance. Will we impact people with what we do. This struck me the most during the lesson. Impacting people. He then shared this real story of an ordinary cab driver in US.
(Can't type it out word for word, the lesson was at 8am) The driver was about to end his night shift when he got a call to pick up a passenger, so he went to the place to pick the passenger up and came to a building that that was only lit on the first floor. The driver wrote that under such circumstances - some areas could be dangerous especially in the wee hours of morning- they will usually horn a few times and if still no one comes to take the cab, they will drive off. But this time he decided to get out of the cab and walked to the door. He rang the bell and old, frail lady with a suitcase opened the door after sometime. He helped her into the taxi and the lady told him the address and asked to go by the downtown route. He told her that it'll take much longer and she replied saying that she wasn't in a rush as no one will be waiting for her and that she was going to a hospice as she's all alone. So off they went and tru out the journey, the lady showed him and they stopped at places which held deep memories to her, places where she first met her husband, places where they dated, where she as a young lady laughed, grew up in. The driver also wrote moments when he would wait for her as she would stare at buildings like as though she's lost in memory. The journey took a much longer time and they reached the hospice only at dawn. That was when he knew that the lady was walking into her last phase of life, a place where she will past eventually. She sat on a wheelchair, thanked the driver and asked him how much the ride was. He was himself shocked that instead of telling the price, he reached out and hugged her and told her that she didn't need to pay. After he left he thought to himself, what if he didn't answered the call to pick her up, if he had been impatient and did the normal, horn a few times and drive off, what if a grumpy driver who was rushing to end his shift picked her up instead. This lonely woman would have been deprived in a way, without seeing the places which she dearly loves, for the last time.
This cab driver, ordinary as he and his job was, impacted a life of someone who, sadly, in our society today (general) deems as insignificant. He could have insisted to go by the shorter route instead to end his shift quickly. He must have been tired as it was towards the end of his shift, surely he wanted to get home to rest fast. Yet he was willing to patiently drive, wait, listen. He had definitely brought a smile to her face. At the same time, he took the extra mile, a taxi driver doesnt need to listen, to stop the car, and wait as we reminisce our past, they just pick us up, send us to our destination and wait for us to pay.
I guess, in everyline of work, or maybe not even work, but in whatever we do, we could make an impact on a life. It is achievable. It could be simple things like giving up a seat to an elderly or a pregnant woman in the MRT, that will light up their day. By doing that, we have already impacted someone's life. A business person could give some of their earnings to charity work. That's impacting lives. At the same time hold on to this verse in the bible (don't know which one, got to look for it) that says "Do unto others what you want others to do unto you" Its a well known sentence too. I tell myself next time when im pregnant and walk into the MRT (*Lord, please bless me with a husband who has a car* =p), i will greatly appreciate someone who'll give up his/her seat for me, that's why i give up my seats. Not boasting, but i'm holding on to that verse and i know i'll help to relieve her ache in the legs from that weight thats she needs to carry everyday. Same goes for the elderly.
sidetrack a little - oh, there was this time when i was on my way to sch, so took the train and sat beside this guy who looked to be in his late 20s. Then the next stop an elderly woman came in, didn't see her at first, she was standing a lil far. I knew the guy saw her too. so you know, as a girl, i'll expect that in such conditions the MALE should offer his seat first, his supposed to be the genlteman, ladies were not termed as gentlewomen. Though that doesn't mean we should not be okay. And he was not, i repeat, WAS NOT sleeping. so without standing i look at the grandma, and turned to look at the guy, saw him looking at her too before turning to look at me. .. and,oh this is classic.. we looked at each other for a few seconds and he CLOSED his eyes!!!!!! He actually pretended to SLEEP! so fed up,straightaway stood and motioned to the grandma to sit. Huh. He was sitting down much longer than me la. Still could look at me later on la, cos we were stopping at the same stop. Gosh. how ungentlemanly this guys can get.
So anyway, yup.. i would want my life to in a way, impact others, bless them, not so that they can remember/look up to me/sing me praises, its not about me. I now find that i have a heart for the orphans, that is why i want to work there, and nursing skills is handy. Im still not sure what to do.. will see and pray about it, but in the end, i want to go where He sends me too.
And i also pray that we will want to make someone's day, wanting to have a significance by impacting. Im no angel, i do think about myself and my own needs too, but imagine how life will be so much better if we stop thinking about ourselves entirely and start thinking about others.
"I will go where You send me
Jesus take me now, I am Yours
I am Yours
Lay my life on the altar,
everything i give to You alone
Here i am, here i am..
Here i am, send me"
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
crapping around. =)
we took this pictures in clinical lab today (without teacher looking =p) while practising how to wear our gowns & gloves in the operating theatre. We thought since we are dressed like this might as well take pictures of us. The beautiful ladies with me are dani, siti and rozy.
"We are Your Trusted Healthcare Professionals. Be assured that we are here to give you support, love, care, guidance and humour into your lives. And we will give You our very best."
(the top 3 pictures were taken around the same time last year, we do get lots of "fun" in classes
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
more pictures. random +)
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people close to my heart
(many more ppl too, parents, sojourners,cheryl,
jee,prim,darsh,
fareha,riyah,haresh,shaf,desmond...etc)
-my brothers, jesse raj & janan rajash
and of course thickskinned bestfriend, nana. =)
there are so many things in my life that
i thank God for. this people are some of them.
*You have blessed me with so much.
thus let me a blessing to others too*
His Joy will be my strength. =)
i still can't believe that im a year 3 student already. don't feel like one, but i hope i do look like one.
Walked into the school yesterday and felt so much like the year 1s.Life in poly seems to past much faster than in sec school.Had 3 hours of break just now, so went to AMK hub to have lunch. We were talking about a number of things until we moved on to the topic of "what happens after graduation".
Nursing was not my first choice, it was one of my bottom few on the list. i actually cried when i knew i was going into nursing instead of early childhood.But i felt that maybe nursing is what God wants me to do, or if not a skill that i would need in future (perhaps in the mission field =p). Well, i'm not grudgingly going through this course or hating it.
I thank the Lord that He gave me the ability to love what i'm doing now. Seeing the patients smile brings such joy. I love the grannies and the grandpas in the ward. i teared when i saw a grandpa tear. i laughed when they said cute stuff. Nursing is without a doubt, a beautiful career. A nurse cannot think about himself/herself anymore, it's all about the patients. At the same time it is tiring, it is draining mentally & physically, it is HARD work. ok, so, maybe it's not that beautiful after all for nurses ourselves, but to the patients it is, because we are a blessing to them. If i remembered correctly, that was what dad said to me, being a nurse will allow me to love people with Christ's love, it allows me to be a blessing to them. It allows me to be a vessel for Him.
Every time i enter into a ward i ask God to help me, to let me be a blessing but most of all to give me such a love for my patients.
However, i do get tired, of course i love nursing.. but its not easy at all. i do wake up some days and ask myself why am i in nursing , ask God "why did you put me in nursing?'.. Nursing in the hospital is tough, the training is tough, schooling is tough. All the work, the assignments, the attachments in the hospital, even the thought of working the merciless shifts NEXT year (gosh!) as a staff nurse makes me sooo weak.
Yesterday i was writing down the dates of the upcoming tests in my diary after our teacher informed us. yes, the first day of school and they are telling us about our tests. Was a lil' stressed already, because the tests were so near, and we have to cram all the topics within a few weeks before the tests. I turned the pages to the month of May, and there was this verse written on the top of the page.
Nehemiah 8:10: "The joy of the Lord is your strength."
Before that i was filling my head with "goodness, so much work, what is this school trying to do laaa, crazy, it's so tiring, so many things how can i cope?"
God is good yea? and this is how i see it: He KNEW i needed that encouragement especially for the month of May. It was PRINTED on the page. He KNEW i will be filling my mind with those thoughts, He KNEW i'd be tired particularly this few months. And His word, written in nice little fonts, made me remember that He will give me the strength. Not just strength but joy too. =) Made me remember of my prayer to Him when im entering into weeks of assignments/attachments when i will tell Him "You put me here Lord, i didn't ask for it, i didn't ask for nursing, so see me through this. Give me the wisdom, the strength, help me to pass."
So this will always be a constant prayer, a promise that i want to uphold God to, a promise that He has never failed.
Because it was the EXACT same prayer i prayed when he tranferred me from normal acad to express stream in sec sch. i didn't want to, heh, i even went into a childish tantrum. I did not to so well in sec 3, had alot of F9s. One subject that i knew it was indeed Him providing me the wisdom was POA (principle of accounts). That was my famous F9 subject, seriously, i got F9 for almost all of my exams/tests, i made my form teacher so upset with me. =( But for O'levels i got not just a pass, but a B4..=) and i only started studying like wheeennn...only 1-2 and- a-half mths before the exam! it wasn't me, it was Him.
I prayed that prayer and he saw me through secondary school.=) He put me in nursing, so as tiring as it gets when i start working, as stressful/scary/uncertain of what i will do and how things will go.. i know that He WILL see me through it and His joy WILL be my strength.
"The joy of the Lord is my strength
The joy of the Lord is my strength
Eat the fat and drink the sweet
Send portions to them who are weak
The joy of the Lord is my strength
This day is holy to the Lord
Don't be grieved but shout for JOY."
Walked into the school yesterday and felt so much like the year 1s.Life in poly seems to past much faster than in sec school.Had 3 hours of break just now, so went to AMK hub to have lunch. We were talking about a number of things until we moved on to the topic of "what happens after graduation".
Nursing was not my first choice, it was one of my bottom few on the list. i actually cried when i knew i was going into nursing instead of early childhood.But i felt that maybe nursing is what God wants me to do, or if not a skill that i would need in future (perhaps in the mission field =p). Well, i'm not grudgingly going through this course or hating it.
I thank the Lord that He gave me the ability to love what i'm doing now. Seeing the patients smile brings such joy. I love the grannies and the grandpas in the ward. i teared when i saw a grandpa tear. i laughed when they said cute stuff. Nursing is without a doubt, a beautiful career. A nurse cannot think about himself/herself anymore, it's all about the patients. At the same time it is tiring, it is draining mentally & physically, it is HARD work. ok, so, maybe it's not that beautiful after all for nurses ourselves, but to the patients it is, because we are a blessing to them. If i remembered correctly, that was what dad said to me, being a nurse will allow me to love people with Christ's love, it allows me to be a blessing to them. It allows me to be a vessel for Him.
Every time i enter into a ward i ask God to help me, to let me be a blessing but most of all to give me such a love for my patients.
However, i do get tired, of course i love nursing.. but its not easy at all. i do wake up some days and ask myself why am i in nursing , ask God "why did you put me in nursing?'.. Nursing in the hospital is tough, the training is tough, schooling is tough. All the work, the assignments, the attachments in the hospital, even the thought of working the merciless shifts NEXT year (gosh!) as a staff nurse makes me sooo weak.
Yesterday i was writing down the dates of the upcoming tests in my diary after our teacher informed us. yes, the first day of school and they are telling us about our tests. Was a lil' stressed already, because the tests were so near, and we have to cram all the topics within a few weeks before the tests. I turned the pages to the month of May, and there was this verse written on the top of the page.
Nehemiah 8:10: "The joy of the Lord is your strength."
Before that i was filling my head with "goodness, so much work, what is this school trying to do laaa, crazy, it's so tiring, so many things how can i cope?"
God is good yea? and this is how i see it: He KNEW i needed that encouragement especially for the month of May. It was PRINTED on the page. He KNEW i will be filling my mind with those thoughts, He KNEW i'd be tired particularly this few months. And His word, written in nice little fonts, made me remember that He will give me the strength. Not just strength but joy too. =) Made me remember of my prayer to Him when im entering into weeks of assignments/attachments when i will tell Him "You put me here Lord, i didn't ask for it, i didn't ask for nursing, so see me through this. Give me the wisdom, the strength, help me to pass."
So this will always be a constant prayer, a promise that i want to uphold God to, a promise that He has never failed.
Because it was the EXACT same prayer i prayed when he tranferred me from normal acad to express stream in sec sch. i didn't want to, heh, i even went into a childish tantrum. I did not to so well in sec 3, had alot of F9s. One subject that i knew it was indeed Him providing me the wisdom was POA (principle of accounts). That was my famous F9 subject, seriously, i got F9 for almost all of my exams/tests, i made my form teacher so upset with me. =( But for O'levels i got not just a pass, but a B4..=) and i only started studying like wheeennn...only 1-2 and- a-half mths before the exam! it wasn't me, it was Him.
I prayed that prayer and he saw me through secondary school.=) He put me in nursing, so as tiring as it gets when i start working, as stressful/scary/uncertain of what i will do and how things will go.. i know that He WILL see me through it and His joy WILL be my strength.
"The joy of the Lord is my strength
The joy of the Lord is my strength
Eat the fat and drink the sweet
Send portions to them who are weak
The joy of the Lord is my strength
This day is holy to the Lord
Don't be grieved but shout for JOY."
Sunday, April 15, 2007
haha.. thanks nana. =) you can post all you want too..anytime, anyday.
hmm, starting school tomorrow, a month of holidays went by so quickly. and im entering into my year 3 already. Time past so fast. i actually planned a number of things to do during this hols, like a checklist.
- learn how to play a guitar
-get new clothes
-paint my room w nana & prim
-GET CLOSER TO GOD.
but could not find the time to paint/learn the guitar.. and after spending money for my hair, didn't have much left for new clothes. =( and im still getting closer to God. Honestly, i ddnt set aside enough time, to really sit/kneel down alone in my room in prayer. =(
this is something that i gotta will myself to do, interceeding before Him, praying for the people in His heart, just spend moments waiting in silence. But many times i allow laziness to stop me from doing that.
It's a real battle of my flesh and my spirit.
My spirit wants, but my flesh does not.
I had an arguement w my mum in the morning today, indeed not a great way to start a Sunday.(and yea, i was rude and was in the wrong)
And i brought that anger along with me into service, which is why i clouldn't enter into worship because i chose to hold on to it.
And it was right there that i remembered and agreed with nana. She told me before that sometime its "fun" to hold on to your anger, not willing & wanting to forgive. (and i think it's because by doing this we are in some sort of way, feeding our flesh). And for most of the worship session, i was telling Him, i know i should let it go, i know i should release the anger, forgive. I know that i had started the day wrongly, because i'm not only hindering myself from entering into His presence but i also hindered mum, too. But at the same time, i was telling Him that mum said some hurtful stuff too, and i do have a "right" to be angry. Real battle, kinda like that common illustration where the kid has got an angel and a devil on either side of his/her shoulders argueing and telling the kid what to do.
That was when Ps Ban took over and in his sermon, he not just mentioned, but emphasized OBEDIENCE. To heed God's call requires obedience not opinions.
God wanted me to obey Him, to seek forgiveness from mum, because i was in the wrong too, sure she said stuff that angered me, but i did the same to her too.
He did not want my opinion: "Lord, she made me angry too!..i dont wanna forgive her just yet.It's frustrating and i want to hold on to this first..."
It was a struggle, but i knew i couldnt last the rest of the day, i couldnt worship Him, if i did not apologize to her, and release that anger. And believe me when i said i wanted to hold on to the anger.
But yup, i want to obey, so yea, after the service i went to her, not immediately tho (because of the still ongoing struggle), and apologized.Felt peace after that. Sure little thoughts, memory of the words she said still enters my head, but i can choose to shrug it off, and focus on pleasing Him.
" Times of refreshing,
Here in Your presence
No greater blessing, than being with You
My soul is restored
My life is renewed
There's no greater joy Lord, than being with You
There's no greater joy Lord, than being with You"
hmm, starting school tomorrow, a month of holidays went by so quickly. and im entering into my year 3 already. Time past so fast. i actually planned a number of things to do during this hols, like a checklist.
- learn how to play a guitar
-get new clothes
-paint my room w nana & prim
-GET CLOSER TO GOD.
but could not find the time to paint/learn the guitar.. and after spending money for my hair, didn't have much left for new clothes. =( and im still getting closer to God. Honestly, i ddnt set aside enough time, to really sit/kneel down alone in my room in prayer. =(
this is something that i gotta will myself to do, interceeding before Him, praying for the people in His heart, just spend moments waiting in silence. But many times i allow laziness to stop me from doing that.
It's a real battle of my flesh and my spirit.
My spirit wants, but my flesh does not.
I had an arguement w my mum in the morning today, indeed not a great way to start a Sunday.(and yea, i was rude and was in the wrong)
And i brought that anger along with me into service, which is why i clouldn't enter into worship because i chose to hold on to it.
And it was right there that i remembered and agreed with nana. She told me before that sometime its "fun" to hold on to your anger, not willing & wanting to forgive. (and i think it's because by doing this we are in some sort of way, feeding our flesh). And for most of the worship session, i was telling Him, i know i should let it go, i know i should release the anger, forgive. I know that i had started the day wrongly, because i'm not only hindering myself from entering into His presence but i also hindered mum, too. But at the same time, i was telling Him that mum said some hurtful stuff too, and i do have a "right" to be angry. Real battle, kinda like that common illustration where the kid has got an angel and a devil on either side of his/her shoulders argueing and telling the kid what to do.
That was when Ps Ban took over and in his sermon, he not just mentioned, but emphasized OBEDIENCE. To heed God's call requires obedience not opinions.
God wanted me to obey Him, to seek forgiveness from mum, because i was in the wrong too, sure she said stuff that angered me, but i did the same to her too.
He did not want my opinion: "Lord, she made me angry too!..i dont wanna forgive her just yet.It's frustrating and i want to hold on to this first..."
It was a struggle, but i knew i couldnt last the rest of the day, i couldnt worship Him, if i did not apologize to her, and release that anger. And believe me when i said i wanted to hold on to the anger.
But yup, i want to obey, so yea, after the service i went to her, not immediately tho (because of the still ongoing struggle), and apologized.Felt peace after that. Sure little thoughts, memory of the words she said still enters my head, but i can choose to shrug it off, and focus on pleasing Him.
" Times of refreshing,
Here in Your presence
No greater blessing, than being with You
My soul is restored
My life is renewed
There's no greater joy Lord, than being with You
There's no greater joy Lord, than being with You"
Saturday, April 14, 2007
lalalalala
since u askd me to post..
so here is it!nana was here!!
laa-dee-da-dee-daaaa((:
i love you, bestfriend.
haha, sorry for being 'mushy'.
=P
"woaaah, my love. my darling..ive hungered forrrrrr....."
-crazily singing unchained melody(:
btw, look at the time![5.15am]haha, and im stl awake.
eh, thank me for changing the skin for u [agn]. tho i was alil tired, i dint rli felt like going offline yet..so decided to help u do up ur blogskin(: yupps.okays.
goodnight. *yawns*
-THICKskinned nana was here! =P
since u askd me to post..
so here is it!nana was here!!
laa-dee-da-dee-daaaa((:
i love you, bestfriend.
haha, sorry for being 'mushy'.
=P
"woaaah, my love. my darling..ive hungered forrrrrr....."
-crazily singing unchained melody(:
btw, look at the time![5.15am]haha, and im stl awake.
eh, thank me for changing the skin for u [agn]. tho i was alil tired, i dint rli felt like going offline yet..so decided to help u do up ur blogskin(: yupps.okays.
goodnight. *yawns*
-THICKskinned nana was here! =P
pictures. +)
me and nana. made her follow me to east coast for my class outing.
see the picture where i'm pointing somewhere and nana's smiling to the cam. was trying so hard to show her a shop that our bus just went past, but she refused to look at it.
.jpg)
some of the pictures we (cheryl, jee, prim, fareha & myself) took after we watched the movie "meet the robinsons". cute show.=) had good laughs.
Friday, April 13, 2007
"Purify my heart
Let me be as pure, as precious silver
Purify my heart
let me as pure, as pure gold
Refiner's fire
My heart's one desire
Is to be holy, set apart for You Lord
I choose to be holy
Set apart for You my Master
Ready to do Your will"
Let me be as pure, as pure gold.
auntie esther gave a testimony in church last sunday, and she mentioned that gold fears no fire. If we are gold, fire will only purify us and make us much better. She was indeed talking about hard times, situations where we can be feeling hurt, tired, lonely, when things don't just go so smoothly in our eyes anymore.. Times when we ask " why Lord?" I've asked this countless of times.
Her word of encouragement was that to let our trials, whatever it may be, make us better & not bitter. Sure it isn't easy.I know it isn't. But God desires that we'll still continue trusting in Him. Something that i always need to remind myself too. For He is faithful. Always was and always will be.
Gotta remember that.
Whatever that is happening now, though it may seem to be way out of our control, is IN His hands.
Let me be as pure, as precious silver
Purify my heart
let me as pure, as pure gold
Refiner's fire
My heart's one desire
Is to be holy, set apart for You Lord
I choose to be holy
Set apart for You my Master
Ready to do Your will"
Let me be as pure, as pure gold.
auntie esther gave a testimony in church last sunday, and she mentioned that gold fears no fire. If we are gold, fire will only purify us and make us much better. She was indeed talking about hard times, situations where we can be feeling hurt, tired, lonely, when things don't just go so smoothly in our eyes anymore.. Times when we ask " why Lord?" I've asked this countless of times.
Her word of encouragement was that to let our trials, whatever it may be, make us better & not bitter. Sure it isn't easy.I know it isn't. But God desires that we'll still continue trusting in Him. Something that i always need to remind myself too. For He is faithful. Always was and always will be.
Gotta remember that.
Whatever that is happening now, though it may seem to be way out of our control, is IN His hands.
to everything there is a beginning =)
So, i've just started a blog.Stubbornly refused to follow the blog-craze at first (just look at what i'm doing now..), nana, my bestest friend in the world, started her blog in 2004 (i think).Almost all my friends had blogs, but i still refused to create one. yea, laziness was one of the reasons why i did not create one earlier.
But now i see it as a great way to share my thoughts,my heart,my walk with God. To write of His faithfulness to me, His love for me, how He was real in my life. Like what chris said/sang earlier in his blog (yes,i read your blog =p) "I will post of the mercies of the Lord forever, i will post, i will post..."
After reading that, it made me think about starting a blog too.. *yay chris =)*And that's what i want to do with this blog of mine, to post of His mercies. =)
But now i see it as a great way to share my thoughts,my heart,my walk with God. To write of His faithfulness to me, His love for me, how He was real in my life. Like what chris said/sang earlier in his blog (yes,i read your blog =p) "I will post of the mercies of the Lord forever, i will post, i will post..."
After reading that, it made me think about starting a blog too.. *yay chris =)*And that's what i want to do with this blog of mine, to post of His mercies. =)
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