Wednesday, February 17, 2010

How does one work when he/she has got so much pent up frustration. That's the thing with me. I'm no longer clear on what I want, be it in the present or when planning for the future.

Sister T. (being at ward 85 allows me to work under another ward sister) stopped me at the counter yesterday to let me know that ward 31 will be opening up soon and that they're gonna get all of us who disbanded to come back together.

I'm supposed to be happy, I'm supposed to jump at this offer the moment it was made. So why did I reply her with a "I'll think about it". On one hand, I miss working with my ward 61 girls. It's been a long time since the word "fun" was entertwined with the word "work". But on the other, I'm starting to really like some of the current girls/ladies I'm now working with. Before I came to ward 85, I've never known what was it like to work under so many senior staff nurses who are really good at their work and who knows procedures at the back of their hands. Having the assurance that I'm covered and will be taught well, I like that.

If I'm gonna be transferred again now, how sure can I be that I won't again.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Fulfillment that lasts forever.

Proverbs 23:16-17: " Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the Lord. There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off"

There have been times and moments when I look at non-believers and wonder how would life be like if I wasn't a Christian. What would I be doing now, what characteristics and values will I have if I wasn't born into a family who serves in church.

I can wear what I want. Say what I want. Do what I want. It'll be so fun. No restrictions. I can work my way up, reach the top, live life by my own rules. It's my game. I can completely destroy myself emotionally, spiritually, physically and not feel horrible about it. I have envied. Being able to do whatever I want without minding it's consequences on eternal life.

I've realized this though: Eternal life in heaven may not sound attractive now. If I pit it against the sights, sounds and colors of this world. To live like there's no tomorrow. But heaven will definitely win hands down if we are to choose between these two: a place of peace, joy, comfort, treasures, where there is no pain or a place filled with fire, darkness, misery and torture for all of eternity. So what do I want now, what's more attractive. Fulfillment that can only last this lifetime, or a hope that does not cut me, that goes past this lifetime and gives me fulfillment that will last forever. Eternity has got no end. I'll need to remember that.