Thursday, May 31, 2007

can i just scream? seriously all this projects, presentations are literally squeezing all the brain juices and cells out from my brain. It doesn't help to be rushed like this. I HATE year 3.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

those were shots taken during dinner on my date with my best friend =) of course loads of crap were made/said, but here's something i wanna blog about:

I've got crazy ideas on how my future wedding photos will be taken. I know it'll be a good few years later, but who says we can't dream and think now? Girls, since young, have been dreaming of our weddings. I suppose we're wired that way. Been thinking for a long time about taking a shot in the bus stop, great if its the old yellow and orange one: black and white. Shots in good ol' Singapore. Everyday life. In places which holds significant meanings to us. Places we spent time in. There's this idea which Dot gave me, another that i like: On a table in a crowded hawker centre. Crazy yet cool. Hope my future husband would be game enough.

But if my husband has to be game enough, i wonder how about nana's future.
If my wedding photo ideas are crazy, i wonder what nana's ones are.

Was telling her about how i want mine to be, and she agreed that it'd be cool to do something out of the ordinary. Something fun and crazy. Then she mentioned how she want hers to be. It started with her saying "eh, cool if take one sitting on a tree..(looking up a tree as she was saying it)..... like a bird.... how about taking one in a bird outfit.... .BIG BIRD!!!!... WITH a wedding veil!!!!!!!!!!!" Then we moved on to how her husband should pose while she's sitting on the tree. *her face will be inbetween the beaks*.. and she thought of another shot after i told her about me and him taking some in church: like playing the drums. She wants to take one on a white grand piano. Still in the Big Bird costume, with extra accesories, the veil and a pearl necklace, lying on the piano. To nana's future husband, your not spared either. You will be in a cookie monster's costume i think.

So for those who know nana, anticipate for her wedding pictures. =)

Botak Jones: Ang Mo Kio. =)

















Looks delicious isn't it? So im gonna start the free publicity:
The food is SIMPLY delicious. ahhh. Tantalising.
Filling, in fact, too filling. Even guys. GUYS. Those with the amazing huge stomachs, who can gulp down many many stuff in that bottomless pit of theirs, can't finish the whole thing. If you ever go there, try the Botak Jones burger. The beef patty is goooooddd.
Don't mind the pages and pages of the menu filled with lots of lame jokes you'd get totally lost in it. Ambience: Normal coffeeshop, but really who cares when the food is great and reasonable at that too.



Grace Kelly by Mika

An extremely fun, light-hearted way of saying/asking to be accepted for just the way we are. "Why don't you like me without making me try"
Not like those soppy songs where the singers bares their hearts and sing their lungs out. (am not against any soppy songs in any way tho')
Everyone wants to be accepted. And sometimes thru'out that whole process of seeking,wanting, we lose ourselves. Lose who we actually are.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

For one of my modules, we have to come out with a health promotion program for our ICA. My group came up with a "Looking good/Achieving beauty: the healthier way" program targeting at secondary school girls. So we met teacher earlier, to discuss, present what we've come up with so far and to see if we are at the right track.
One of the comments/things (she was side-tracking for this one) she said was "Let me tell you this. Skinny people, after marriage they will put on weight. Whereas the bigger ones, after marriage will loose weight. It's true. I'm telling you!!" Then she went on to saying that she was towards the bigger side when she was younger and had lots of slimmer friends and now most of them are twice her size. My reply to that was why it was so and she almost shouted "Hey.. God is faairrrir!!!! Now its our turn to shine and look beautiful. You can't keep the beauty all to yourself what!!! Right?!"

haha. Okaayyyy.


Had drum practice just now (seriously, after such a long time). Uncle Thomas was teaching me some rolls/creative stuff i could do.. and Uncle Thomas is a big man, thus the strength and the sound when he plays.... Wow. My heart actually jumped when he thumped on the snare, tom-toms and the bass. I was standing right beside, extremely close to the drum set *not a good place to stand for the faint-hearted*, putting my hand on my chest the whole time when he showed me how to play/flow with the song. =) He is indeed a good teacher. Learnt recently that he could play almost every instrument.
His advice to me: "Play louder, play with confidence!"
I just get really nervous, don't exactly know why. Maybe it's because i become too self-concious. Something i should stop.


And also jogged with cheryl just now. Prim and fareha were sweet enough to accompany and wait for us. Decided to make it a point to exercise regularly together. Was a little embarrased tho', i mean the little kids from primary school could run way better and faster than us!.. gosh. And i can't say that i'm getting old, it's not an excuse because the older, the much older men also ran and overtook me alot. Neither can i then say that they are men, they've got better staminas because the aunties had more drive and determination in running/jogging those rounds non-stop.
That's the thing about running in the neighbourhood stadium and I'm terrible.

Monday, May 21, 2007

I cast all my cares upon You
I lay all of my burdens down at Your feet
And anytime I don't know
What to do
I just cast all my cares upon You.


Am at school now, doing my preparation for my presentation later on.. and this song keeps ringing in my head. It was my favourite song when i was younger, 4-6 years old. Remembered that time, in philippines when i went to my cousin's house for a stay over, we were playing with the neighbours when they decided that each of us should stand on the table outside and sing a song. And i chose to sing this song. Of course i was more like singing it to myself, in a soft whisper.. was too shy to sing out loud.

But right now, i guess this song is reminding me to really cast all my cares upon Him.
Was talking to dad when he was driving me to school earlier, listening to his worries, his burdens. With all that is happening around now.. and on top of all that, my school work.. i feel lost, not like myself..but all the more why i should lay all my burdens down. I don't know what is happening.. I may still be clueless on what to do, but it is in moments like this that i draw my strength from the Lord, moments like this when i no longer rely on my own self but instead drawing and seeking my comfort from and in Him. In moments like this when i need to stop, to be still and know that He is God.
I just need to cast all this cares upon Jesus.


And anytime I don't know what to do, I just cast all my cares upon You.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

so i failed my Napfa test.. =) not that im really jumping for joy about it, or even completely sad too. just lack the stamina and the strength now.
a friend told me once "God gave us a body so we should sculp it to perfection".

Not that extreme for me, a perfect body doesn't mean everything.replied him back with "or rather we should take care of it". But i haven't been giving my body that healthy dose of once/twice a week of exercise. Was seriously dying while jogging that six rounds.
Used to get gold for Napfa back in sec school but that's because of i got to exercise weekly during P.E. lessons.

Come to think of it, i miss my P.E. lessons, i miss running around the neighbourhood for our 2.4km run. I miss playing netball and touch rugby. Miss playing badminton with Farhana, miss laughing at Darsh and Nabi while we were at it. Miss Mr. Teo's amd Mr. Gary's crap.
Miss those days where we girls played soccer in the muddy field barefooted, of course we weren't good, we just played for the fun of it. When we, Suhaili, Sarah, Telaga and the rest slid down the mud, or when we playfully push each other down.

Miss the staying back in school. The days when Neevan and MdNor will help us up onto that concrete stone wall thingy where we sat down and talked.
Miss the many days where we sat down on those benches with the table and that huge umbrella. Miss the malay noodle stall. Miss the Tamil B "lessons", when both Haresh and I get to enjoy the aircon in the staff lounge and instead of studying we would crap and talk instead.

I miss the ol' school building.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

I'm tired.
"The joy of the Lord is your strength"

Weak.
"The joy of the Lord is your strength"

I struggle.
"The joy of the Lord is your strength"

My tears overflow.
"The joy of the Lord is your strength"

My spirit is damp.
"The joy of the Lord is your strength"

Can't carry on anymore, on my own.
"The joy of the Lord is your strength"

I need You.
"My joy is your strength"



Psalms 139: 1-18. (NIV)

O Lord, You have searched me and You know me.
You know when i sit and when i rise;
You perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
You are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue, You know it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in - behind and before; You have laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can i go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence?
If i go up to the heavens, You are there;
if i make my bed in the depths, You are there.
If i rise on the wings of dawn, if i settle on the far side of the sea,
even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.
If i say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light becomes night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to You;
the night will shine like day, for darkness is as light to You.
For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You because i am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You, when i was made in the secret place.
When i was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were i to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When i awake, I am still with You.

Monday, May 7, 2007

Before Your throne I long to be
Angels bow down before Your throne
my resting place
Your presence precious One
It makes me whole

Before Your throne, oh precious One
Before Your dwelling place, dreams come to pass
Into Your dwelling place I long to come
face down before Your throne

Before Your throne I long to be
In Your presence Lord
Before Your throne I long to come, to You"


I had this song in my heart yesterday, an old song, but beautiful. Maybe it's a reminder to me, that i need to come back, i've got to stop relying on my own strength, been very distracted the past weeks. It's in His presence, where I'll find my rest and my strength. It's in His presence I'll find my peace, my joy. It's in His presence that I'll feel whole again.
And i need to feel whole again. I need rest. Bogged down by life - living for the sake of living, going thru' the motion of life for it's sake.Like a zombie.
I want inner contentment. Joy. Peace. Where else can i find all this, where else can i find the answers to the questions in my heart, other than in His presence.

Before Your throne, I long to come. To You.
rants.

becoming sick.. starting to sneeze. maybe i'm just tired, each time i overwork myself i get this.
Its amazing that i still can blog right now, just needed a short break. I've got clinical lab practical tomorrow and theory the next day. Dreading school now, not because of the friends, but due to the LOADS of work. Projects. Tests. Presentations. Week after week. AND NAPHA TEST. This body of mine has not exercised for the past one and a half year.

They looovvveee torturing us.

Can't wait for my trip to philippines. *Ahhh.. two whole weeks away from singapore* Not long, but i'm satisfied. Away from the stress. Been flying overseas quite abit recently, and each time i'm coming back in the plane.. i always feel this weight coming down on me. I start thinking about school, about assignments. Nana shares the same view too. We felt a lil' depressed during the flight back from chiangmai the other time.

They looovvveee torturing us.

Sunday, May 6, 2007


-the girls with uncle ban/Pastor ban.
- manda looks happy to catch the ball while i look like a headless creature doing a spastic dance.
-serene, sam and me with baby andrea.


the MEN in my life: Dad, Raj & Janan.
well, my dad is the only man,
the other two are just boys.
One's becoming a man, the other's still a baby.




read manda's blog and decided to post some cool pics that alvin (stole it from him) took during our baptism event (on labour day) at east coast too.

particularly like this picture where the men (unc ban, unc mark, the other three guys from the other group) are trying hard to grab the ball. An excellent shot Alvin! =) Correctly depicts the energy we had during the game..

Friday, May 4, 2007








let the pictures do the talking for today =)
went to prim's house, took that picture of hers. (she looks like a frightened cute hamster). me and khairiyah tried prim's shades and later played pool at
vivo.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

am tired. really i am.
and i cant point out exactly what makes me tired. my body's tired, my mind's tired. Guess its just one of those low days. tired of thinking, tired of worrying, tired of knowing.
Tired of missing.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

thoughts

Worshipping thru' instruments.

I don't play many instruments(not very good in any) and the only instrument i consistently use is my voice. But one can tell whether a team is truly worshipping God when their playing their instruments or just jamming. There is that atmospheric difference.It's hair raising, you can feel it, you get drawn into the worship. It's not just about good music or making good music anymore. It's when playing the notes, adding artistic fills, is not done to please the people's ears but done to God.To please God. Alvin said this once, that he sings better when he's worshipping God, and i agree with him, somehow i find that i can reach higher notes when i'm immersed in singing to Him. My voice becomes louder when im not/no longer concious about the people around me or how i sound to them. (i do get self-concious, especially when i'm leading/the only one singing, this is also something that i've got to overcome, everytime i'm holding the mike,not to be concious about me, my voice, my singing, but instead to sing to God)

When i see Dot worshipping while playing the keys,the notes,the sound that comes out becomes much more beautiful, it somehow,attracts me,my spirit into worship. It's hard to pinpoint or express why it does. Yes, she is an excellent musician, but there's that something else when she's worshipping thru' the keys.
When we, musicians and singers play or sing our all to Him,when we're so caught in singing, wanting to play the drums,the bass, guitar, keys for Him, that will attract people into God's presence.. Because they can tell, if we are just hitting the right notes for the sake of it or when we are seeking Him with all our might. Let us not be concious about how we sound to people, whether we made a mistake, played the wrong chord accidentally, because nothing beats the way the music sounds when its from the heart to Him.


"when the music fades
And all is stripped away
And i simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart.

I'll bring You more than a song, for a song in itself
is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Thru' the way things appear
Your looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
When it's all about You, it's all about You Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the things that i've made it
When it's all about You, it's all about You Jesus

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Tho' im weak and poor
All i have is Yours
Every single breath"

east coast.

So today was one of those 'not-alot-of-times' days where without make-up,wearing only t-shirt, shorts and slippers, i go out further than my neighbourhood. A yearly routine, almost every Labour day, Salem heads to East Coast for our baptism cum picnic. Initially did not want to go so i could stay at home to study etc, but was forced by mum (Raj was one of the baptism candidates,being his sister i should go and support him). So, shee sulked in the morning. But still enjoyed myself. (Dad commented on the way home bout me sulking and being grouchy and yet in the end, became one of the active ones.)
And how i loved the captain's ball game. =) my only form of exercise since Sojourners' picnic at Sentosa. At least, i sort of prepared for Napha today... if running, catching, oh and missing the ball too,throwing,screaming "DEE/JON/TIM/MANDA/ARUN/SAM/UNCLE BAN.. HERE !!!!" is good preparation.
We played among ourselves for some time at first. A mix between the youth and some adults. *Go unc ban, unc mark, unc lam, and raja!* Was a little accident prone today, the ball bounce off my head and into the hands of the other team's "catcher" Sam - don't know how to term the guys standing on the chair, catching the ball, goaly?? Must have been a funny sight.
Fell/slide to grab the ball a few times.
And collided badly into poor Jon, his head and my teeth(so pain!thank God no teeth dropped, imagine toothless me).. hope there arn't any teeth marks on your head Jon?
Somehow, we managed to get some attention while we were playing, so much so that another group asked if they could play against us - became a friendly match after,according to Tim, we were winning so much. The other team also had a mix of adults, teens and kids. Not bad. That lil boy who looked korean was an amazing catcher despite being short. A good part of the picnic was spent playing the game.It's a good thing mum forced me too, i wouldn't have enjoyed myself that much otherwise, good break from school.

How does Salem forming a captain's ball team sound? =)