Tuesday, August 28, 2007

"The joy of the Lord is my strength
The joy of the Lord is my strength
Eat the fat and drink the sweet
Send portions to them who are weak
The joy of the Lord is my strength
This day is holy to the Lord
Don't be grieved but SHOUT FOR JOY!"

Monday, August 27, 2007

if only.

after the accident yesterday, i had alot of "if only-s" going thru' my mind. if only we got to the van earlier, if only there wasn't a need to go THOP for the meeting yesterday.. if only, if only, if only.

i sang this song earlier on sunday before the incident happened, while leading the children: "I walk by faith, each step by faith, to live, by faith, i put my trust in You. Every step i take is a step of faith, No weapon formed against me, shall prosper, every breath i take is a breath of faith, if my God is for me. Then who shall be against me"

and despite knowing this/singing this words,
i'll be very very real here..
i asked God when i reached home, why did this have to happen, why must the wounds be on my face, why couldn't it be elsewhere, like perhaps on my arms. why why why. to the point where i was actually blaming God.


As daddy was driving me to Mt. A later in the evening, hearing daddy speak about what happened, remembering all that God had done for me.. i don't know how to put this in words.
but i know His grace is still upon me, as what Amanda pointed out : its a good thing my eye wasn't hurt (the wounds are below my left eye). It could have been far worse, but God protected me, He protected all of us.

I'm still struggling, truth be told. I'm frightened. But i'll just leave it in His hands.
Through out the journeys back and forth yesterday and today from Mt. A, i sang the songs that i chose to lead for the children's service.

Maybe its also not by chance, that God placed this two songs in my heart the week before. (the song above and "the joy of the Lord is my strength") to comfort me, to remind me.

8 stitches was done.. and my left eye's bruised. I seriously look like i came out from a fight. Oh well, it will heal..

Thursday, August 16, 2007

pages of words. coffee. nursing jargons. bloodshot red eyes. memory space. sleepless nights. going crazy.



Exams.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

well, i know i should be studying but felt like typing this down. (to get it off my chest).

Don't you think that many a times we judge people without fully understanding what they are going through? Judge them based on their reactions to us, based on just that one, particular time of them maybe blowing their tops or the way they answer us.
I'll give one example, between me and my dad.
Recently daddy has been getting moody, uptight, we had little misunderstandings the past few weeks. I got pissed with the way he viewed things. I got pissed when he was being grumpy. Just last week i told people that i didn't feel like talking to him anymore.
Something that i'm feeling so guilty for saying now.
But it's only today that it dawned upon me that daddy has many things on his mind too, work, people, relationships with his co-workers. He has to look after alot of issues at work. Probably things that already upsets him. On top of that, he has to continue being the head of the family. Making decisions, dealing and facing daily "problems" with us, his teenage kids.
I didn't take all that into consideration. When he tried telling me all this, i brushed it all aside, refused to listen due to my stubborn, childish anger. I said things that would have hurt him like a dagger into his heart, just because he got angry or picked on me.
That's just how selfish i can be.

Don't you also think that we should also be careful with our words? It doesn't hurt to be sensitive to people's feelings. Im not pinpointing any one at this moment if you're thinking that way. But it so true that we spit out words before we actually realize how impactful/hurtful those words can be.

Friday, August 3, 2007

don't have anything significant to post about now. but well, this are just some random things.

to the girls who makes me laugh till my insides hurts (you know yourselves) =) :
My stomach was happy.
I was happy.
To think it was only 13 bucks at that.
Man, i had a great time yesterday.
Thanks girls.

Janan still can't speak properly though his already 3.. . his a smart kid, but probably just slow in learning to speak languages..guess it's cos' in my household we speak only english and when he goes over my aunt's place everyday, its tamil for him.
This is how he sings the common rhymes. Asked him once, what song he wants to sing, and he replied "DAAM BRIDGE", i replied with "what song is that?", he sang the song for me ..
"DAA-AMM BRIDGE IS FALLING DAM
FALLING DAM
FALLING DAM

DAA-AMM BRIDGE IS FALLING DAM
MY FAAIIIRR LADY"

"THIS IS THE WAY I BRUSH A TIP
BRUSH A TIP
BRUSH A TIP
THIS IS THE WAY I BRUSH A TIP
EARLY IN THE MOOOOORRRRNNINNNGGG"
(he sings it this way even if i brush his teeth at night)

cute?