"You are my strength, strength like no other. Reaches to me"

haha.. thanks nana. =) you can post all you want too..anytime, anyday.

hmm, starting school tomorrow, a month of holidays went by so quickly. and im entering into my year 3 already. Time past so fast. i actually planned a number of things to do during this hols, like a checklist.
- learn how to play a guitar
-get new clothes
-paint my room w nana & prim
-GET CLOSER TO GOD.
but could not find the time to paint/learn the guitar.. and after spending money for my hair, didn't have much left for new clothes. =( and im still getting closer to God. Honestly, i ddnt set aside enough time, to really sit/kneel down alone in my room in prayer. =(
this is something that i gotta will myself to do, interceeding before Him, praying for the people in His heart, just spend moments waiting in silence. But many times i allow laziness to stop me from doing that.
It's a real battle of my flesh and my spirit.
My spirit wants, but my flesh does not.


I had an arguement w my mum in the morning today, indeed not a great way to start a Sunday.(and yea, i was rude and was in the wrong)
And i brought that anger along with me into service, which is why i clouldn't enter into worship because i chose to hold on to it.
And it was right there that i remembered and agreed with nana. She told me before that sometime its "fun" to hold on to your anger, not willing & wanting to forgive. (and i think it's because by doing this we are in some sort of way, feeding our flesh). And for most of the worship session, i was telling Him, i know i should let it go, i know i should release the anger, forgive. I know that i had started the day wrongly, because i'm not only hindering myself from entering into His presence but i also hindered mum, too. But at the same time, i was telling Him that mum said some hurtful stuff too, and i do have a "right" to be angry. Real battle, kinda like that common illustration where the kid has got an angel and a devil on either side of his/her shoulders argueing and telling the kid what to do.

That was when Ps Ban took over and in his sermon, he not just mentioned, but emphasized OBEDIENCE. To heed God's call requires obedience not opinions.
God wanted me to obey Him, to seek forgiveness from mum, because i was in the wrong too, sure she said stuff that angered me, but i did the same to her too.
He did not want my opinion: "Lord, she made me angry too!..i dont wanna forgive her just yet.It's frustrating and i want to hold on to this first..."

It was a struggle, but i knew i couldnt last the rest of the day, i couldnt worship Him, if i did not apologize to her, and release that anger. And believe me when i said i wanted to hold on to the anger.
But yup, i want to obey, so yea, after the service i went to her, not immediately tho (because of the still ongoing struggle), and apologized.Felt peace after that. Sure little thoughts, memory of the words she said still enters my head, but i can choose to shrug it off, and focus on pleasing Him.


" Times of refreshing,
Here in Your presence
No greater blessing, than being with You
My soul is restored
My life is renewed
There's no greater joy Lord, than being with You
There's no greater joy Lord, than being with You"